Sunday, June 1, 2008

The Moca, The Rosa, and the Nib

Brian Yin is back in Shanghai! Brian is a local Shanghainese friend of mine, studying at the University at Buffalo. He is also a Newly Inducted Brother of Delta Sigma Pi, and boy am I glad to see him! So after synagogue on Friday night, we hear about this party on the top floor of the Museum of Contemporary Art. I meet up with Brian in People’s Square and we head on over with a few other friends. It was pretty sweet, I guess exactly what you would expect a party at the top of an art museum to be like. Toby, you would have liked this one…

Anyway, we decide quickly that it’s too loud so me and Brian (sporting his shiny new traditional black DSP shirt) head on out to a bar called Barbarosa where it’s A LITTLE quieter so we can sit and talk. Everything’s cheaper in China, except the bars. Beers were like over $7 a pop, and that’s the cheapest drink. After the drinks, on our way home, we stop at this Chinese place for dinner. I let Brian do the ordering cuz it’s still very hard for me to order in Chinese. He asks “do you like shrimp?”

“Of course I like shrimp”

“How about raw shrimp?”

“Def not.”

Magic words: “It’s just like sushi”

That’s all he had to say. So the dish comes out, and they uncap it. The fucking things are swimming around in the bowl! I’m like, “Holy shit dude! You said raw, not ALIVE!”

He then says, “Oh, you want to wait until they’re dead?”

Apparently they were soaked in alcohol and were slowly dying. Consumer has the option of waiting till they slowly die, or putting them out of their misery. We had to recap the dish, cuz they were jumping out of the bowl and squirming around on the table. I actually jumped outta my chair and stood back like a little girl who sees a spider. Unfortunately, I wussed out and did not partake, but had a hell of a time watching Brian do it up. He apologized for scaring me and I said, no problem. It’s times like this that make the adventures more adventurous. He then says, “hey at least now you have something to write about in your blog…”

Brian, if you’re reading this, It’s gonna be a crazy month! Jonny Chan of the Rhos (f’sho!), Rachel Ooyang of the Sigmas, and J Klock of the Taus are also going to be in Shanghai real soon. Like I said, it’s gonna be a crazy month. It’s the AK Movement!

Big Brother is Always Watching

I would like to start out by publically announcing that CHRIS PASCONE STILL HAS NOT READ George Orwell’s 1984. Dude it’s like 150 pages! It’ll take you an afternoon if you’re not an idiot! So anyway, it’s funny how Americans have this view of communism (largely based off this book and McCarthyism). Everywhere I go, I see video cameras. In like every hall in every building. This ordinarily wouldn’t be such a big deal for me, but the scary thing is that I have yet to see a monitor.

At around 4 o’clock every day, speakers (which are laid out all around campus) start blasting. I don’t really know what they are saying cuz it’s usually just a woman speaking Chinese that I still don’t understand. Some friends of mine said that it’s like the news either concerning Shanghai, China or our school, but when I’m alone, all I hear is “Our troops are pushing forward on the Eurasian front. The price of Chocolate has dropped 50% to $100 a kilogram. This month’s quota for steel workers…”

The “Gabe” Burger

There’s this restaurant right around the corner called Sarah’s. I’m a big fan because it has relatively cheap relatively good tasting “western” food. There are sandwiches and stuff. I go there a lot cuz it’s a 3 minute walk from my dorm room. They are the most “catering to Westerners” restaurant in the area with the exception of McDonalds down the road. Their menu has every item translated into English. The problem is, like most English everywhere in Shanghai, it’s all wrong. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but I go there enough to justify the next paragraph.

One day I asked the owner of the restaurant (Sarah) if she wants me to correct their menu for them. Of course she did so we sat down and had like 3 meetings where me and her and Howie discussed how to word the menu items in a more sexy-like manor. Like “fruit salad over watermelon with a hint of house red” and such. I didn’t ask them to pay me. I just wanted them to have a correct menu. Oh and we also asked them to name some dishes after us.

So now if you ever go to Shanghai, stop into Sarah’s CafĂ© and be sure to get the “Gabe Burger” or “Howie’s Bacon and Egg Bun.” They’re both really quite delicious!

Lost in Translation 2

A lot of times I go to the DVD store to buy $1 DVD’s and read the back to see what the movie is about. It’s usually in Chinese and sometimes if I’m lucky, it’s in English. However, even then, it’s usually wrong or the excerpt to the wrong movie. There was a movie with DMX I think called Jumpout Boys. The back, instead of saying anything about the movie, was just the Wikipedia definition of “Jumpout boys.”

Here’s my favorite. On the back of this one movie, instead of telling you what the movie was about, it was cut and pasted from someone’s review of the movie online. But the best part is that it was a SHIT review! It was like “Wow, I thought that because so and so was in this movie, that it would be interesting. Boy was I wrong! Do yourself a favor, don’t even consider wasting two hours of your life watching this movie. It would be a better idea for you to go to the director’s house and shoot him in the face.” It was like 3 paragraphs of this dude railing on this movie about how bad it was. I was like “I guess it’s a good thing that the people who run this DVD store can’t read English.”

Unrelated note: My allergies are acting up with the changing weather. This Thai girl gave me this little inhaler that goes up your nostril and smells like Eucalyptus or something. It’s very refreshing. It’s called “Poi-san.” I imagine that means something different in Thai (At least I effing hope so).

More Interesting Foods

So me Ayumi, and GI Joe go to this restaurant, and I order Pig’s tongue. It was not half bad. Kinda like what it tastes like when you bite down on your tongue really hard. BTW I don’t call Ben GI Joe anymore, but it sounds fun for the sake of the blog.

I went with Les and Monique to a Taiwanese restaurant and among many delicious interesting food was again curdled blood. But this time it was mixed in with rice and other stuff to make like a cake. It tasted kinda like Haggis, which is amazing, but I’d be careful as to where you get it from.

Last weekend, we ate out and, this dish came that looked like fish. I am not a huge fish fan so I stayed away. Diego was like “no try it. It’s actually really good.” So I’m eating it and what do you know. It’s not too bad.

“What kind of Fish is this? It has a pretty hard skin. It’s almost like a shell.” I say.

“A Fish called Turtle! Ah Hah!” he says.

At first, I was like WTF! Why would you do that to me!? Then I was like actually that’s not bad, and helped myself to anther portion.

I have yet to try the already fertilized chicken egg.

CInco de Drunko

Cinco de Mayo is not a commonly celebrated holiday here in China. However, there are enough westerners that the interests are catered to. Kind of like Saint Sylvesters day in Israel (New Years Eve). On May 5th, it was my friend Justin’s birthday. He’s from America. He works for this CEO of a huge LED company. LED stands for Light Emitted Diode, and is the latest in light technology. They’re the little indicator lights in your car, or on your iPod. This guy’s company makes “Open” signs, Televisions, room lights, street lights, street signs that tell drivers about traffic patterns, and other stuff. Justin doesn’t work at the company. He is the guy’s private English teacher. So we got a tour of his company to see how they make the lights, and then I’m not really sure why, but the guy drove us to his new house to show that off too.

That night, we went to Taco Paco or something and had Mexican cuisine. After, we went to a bar called Zapatas, and got shitfaced. Always a good time. I like Zapatas. I forgot most of my Spanish, but I think that means women’s shoes? Monique tells me that it won an award in some Shanghai nightlife magazine for “best bar to pick up drunk women.” Ladies night is Monday and Wednesday (bam son!). They actually have a guys night as well! WTF! I love this country. The “night” is only an hour long and we get free beer the whole time, but I surprised myself as to how much free beer I can drink in an hour. Viva la Mexico!

When in Shanghai…

So I try to use the “When in Rome” philosophy” as much as possible to maximize my experience here. However, the more I try to fit in, the more I stand out. In New York, there is a stigma attached to being a tourist. In Shanghai, it’s so popular, it’s almost a status symbol. There are places that I have found here that only Westerners go to. Many of the local Shanghainese people I’ve met don’t even know about them.

There’s also many Shanghai customs that I am trying to stay away from, like hocking up big wads of whatever and spitting in the street. I think I may have been spat on once. It might have just been bird poop. Either way, it was gross. Lines are also practically nonexistent. People cut in front of me all the time. I asked my friend Diego from Italy if they have a saying in any way similar to that in Italian. He said, yes but it’s a little different. In Italy, they say, “When in Rome, DON’T do what the Romans do.” For real.

Markesism

Cait Markes came to Shanghai for one night and one night only! She didn’t pull a Rachel Lerner and NOT GET AROUND TO GIVING ME A CALL! I’m just kidding Rachel, I know you were busy. I still love you. For those of you who don’t know who Cait Markes is, she went to my high school. She was my coxswain. SO I showed her a little around the city center. I introduced her to Shanghai’s famous dumplings (although they were some of the worst dumplings I’ve ever had). They were still pretty good though. I didn’t get to see her for long, but it was nice to see her after like 5 years…

Beijing Opera

So I went to see Beijing Opera some time ago. It was strange. I didn’t really understand what was going on. There were actually subtitles, but they were on the far ends of the stage so I couldn’t really read them and watch the show at the same time. Beijing Opera is an acquired taste. If you are ever planning on going, bring some ear plugs or some asprin. And DO NOT go with a hangover.

There was this girl in front of me who I thought was a Korean friend of mine. So I gave her a loving rub on the head. When she turned around, it turned out she was just some random girl. She had this priceless look of fear and surprise on her face, like “Who are you, and why did you just do that??” It really wasn’t my fault. She had the same haircut! It was a little embarrassing, but still funny nonetheless.

A L’Annee Prochaine a Jerusalem

So Passover was a great time. It wasn’t like I’m used to though. Every Jew is Shanghai was in one giant Banquet Hall and one Rabbi was directing the whole Ceder. Originally there were two Cedars: one in French and one in English. When I signed up, there was only room in the French one. After about 5 minutes, I snuck over to the one in English. It just seemed nicer. We were all together in the end anyway.

I have met a lot of French people here. There is a district of Shanghai that used to be French Owned and all the buildings are a different style of architecture. I also have a good friend named Emanuel who is French. He kind of reminds me of Emile, or maybe that’s just because his name is Emanuel. He helped me translate the title of this story (Next Year in Jerusalem).

I met another kid named Frank or George or something from France. We were talking about the price and quality of food here and how it compares to France and America. He says “Take McDonalds for example. If you were to order a Royale, wait, how do you guys call the Royale again?”

“Oh it’s a ‘Quarter Pounder. Yea we don’t use the metric system. Wait, what do you guys call a big Mac?”

“The Big Mac? That’s the same, but we call it le’Big Mac.”

“Oh yea? What about the Whopper?”

He saw Pulp Fiction, so he saw the humor in it as well.

Hao Jiu Bu Jian!

This is Chinese for “Long time no see.” I would like to apologize for not writing for so long. I would also like to thank any loyal readers that continue to check to see if there are any updates. The truth is that after the first month and a half here, I fell into a kind of ordinary lifestyle here and there hasn’t been much to write about. For the last month or so, I have just been studying Chinese on the weekdays and drinking at the bars on the weekends. However, I am back to my adventures now. I am also having internet problems. It takes like 5 minutes to load a web page. I can also no longer access my blog. So I would once again like to thank Melissa Weiss for posting these stories for me. I hope you enjoy them!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Wow! Didn't see that one coming!

So there's this girl and we were meeting up like weekly so she could practice her Enlgish and I could practice my Chinese. Our dialogue went something like:

Me: "So Can you speak any other languages?"

Her: "No, just Chinese, English, and German."

"German...Thats interesting. Why German?"

"In high school, we had to learn either French or German, so I chose German."

"Over French? How come?"

"I think German is one of the most beautiful languages in the world!...Oh and I also like Nazis."

My Chinese Girlfriend part 2: The Creepy Other Girl

So needless to say, the date went well. Just kidding It SUCKED! Eighteen years old is hard, but doable, depending on the girl. Not speaking English is also hard, but also doable, also depending on the girl. But the two together made for a lethal combination. Not to mention there was this mentally disabled waitress who kept walking past my table eyeing me. But not in a good way. I would smile at her, but she would just keep staring. Creeped me out. Every now and then, she would come over to me during the meal, and say, "is the food good?" I would tell her every time it was delicious, but it got a little old after a while.

Oh, I forgot to tell you (surprise surprise), one good thing about this buffet and possibly all buffets here, is that there is an unmanned beer tap that is included in the price for the meal. All the free drinking made the date slightly doable, but about halfway through the date, the keg was kicked and I had no idea how to ask in Chinese for them to rekeg the tap. So no more beer, so the date got worse. It was kinda like God slapping me in the face like "HA, you found a loophole in the date from hell. Allow me to close that up for you! No I'm not going to make this any easier for you!"

After I finished eating, I waited like 10 more minutes for her to finish stuffing her face, and then we had to wait like 10 more minutes for her friend (the other girl) to get off work so they could walk home together. At this point, I was just glad to be rid of her. It took me like 20 minutes to finally say "okay. I'm going to gohome. Call me if you want to hang out again." In retrospect, I should have said I'll call you." Perhaps if I had used my "forehindsight"...

Anyway, on my walk home, so as not to make this night a complete loss, I decided to go into the mall to buy a money clip. i still keep my wallet in my front pocket here and the wallet is getting a bit bulky. So right when I get to the entrance of the mall, I get tapped on the shoulder. I turn around, and I have no idea who this girl is. I'm like "who are you?" and she's like "I'm the girl who waited tables at the restaurant that you just ate at. I asked you how your food was (like 8 times). Remember?" I'm like "oh yes. That's right. What's up? What can i do for you?" She just stared at me awkwardly and said "ok. Bye bye," and walked the other direction. Strange.

Anyway, I walk into the mall and I see a woman selling wallets and hair clips and that's it. I'm like "do you have anything like this, but also like this? LIke I want something that does what this does, only not that cuz i already have one. It also does what this does, only not to hair, to money." All this cuz I don't know how to say "money clip" in CHinese. Just when I'm about to give up, THE CREEPY WAITRESS GIRL COMES UP TO US! I thought she walked the other way! She is trying to diffuse the situation and offers to help me. I explain what i want to her and she says "Oh I definately know what you're talking about! Follow me!

So I follow her around the store, and she takes me to the stuffed animal section:
-They're really cute. Don't you think so?
-Um...sure?
-you want to buy me one?
-why would i want to buy you one?
-what? I don't understand.
-oh. Sorry. No. I don't want to buy you one.
-ok. No problem. Lets keep going.

I follow her around the store a little more and she takes me to THE WALLET AISLE! I'm like. yea I don't want these. If i did, i would have bougt one from the woman in the front of the store in the first place. I explained again what I wanted and she was like "oh. yea they don't have those here." I'm like great. Thank you for everything. She says:
-you wanna go get some dinner?
-um...i just ate dinner...at a buffet...at YOUR buffet...you watched me eat. You asked me how it was. remember?
-oh, ok. How about tomorrow?
-to tell you the truth, i'm pretty busy tomorrow
-oh, ok. see you tomorrow!
-[sigh] whatever, see you tomorrow.

Epilogue: I get a text message from her the next day. One of those other girls must have given her my number. Who does that? Anyway, it said, and I quote, and this WAS in English: "Do you sleeping played today of happy!" And I was like right on crazy girl..right on...

My Chinese Girlfriend part 1: The Date

So me and GI Joe go to this buffet, (quick ADD tangent. The buffets here are crap American food: shit pizza, french fries, chicken nuggets, etc. I just thought that was funny cuz the buffets in America are primarily crap Chinese food. But i digress.) So the waitresses are eyeing us and giggling. And then they go "Hello. How are you doing?" So we go "oh you speak English?" And they're like "[inaudible Chinese], hello. How are you doing?" So we catch on and switch over to Chinese. (Mine is still crap so GI Joe does most of the talking.)

Bear in mind, the girls here seem to act about 5 years younger than they really are for any given age. So one girl goes "Huang Min wants to know if you'll be her boyfriend." The other one laughs, pushes her, and says "Shut up! Don't listen to her. Ge Hua Fen wants to know if she can get your digits." I shouldn't really use quotes here cuz this whole thing is in Chinese but whatever, it's my story, I can translate it how I want. Anyway, I figure, sure. what the hell. How bad could this be. At least now I can say I have a Chinese girlfriend. So I give one of the girls my number, we all talk a little more and me and GI Joe leave. i then realize, that I'm not even sure which girl is my "new girlfriend." Whatever. Id figure it out later.

So over the next 24 hours, I get bombarded with text messages i can't understand, and phone calls I can understand even less. And they're from both girls, so I'm still not even sure which one is my girlfriend. I finally agree to meet one of the girls for dinner the following night and I figure whichever one shows up, is my girlfriend. She leaves me a text message saying something like, "Awesome! Your treat!" I chalked it up as miscommunication, but still a bad start nonetheless. I told her I'd meet her there at 7:30. At 7:28, I get a text message saying "where are you?". Since I find "where are you" texts atrocious, I ignored it. At 7:29, I received a "where are you" phone call, which I find even more atrocious. I didn't answer that either. Shanghai girls are way too pushy. Again, not a good start.

Scene 3: the Date...Action: I arrive, and see her, say hi and the first thing she says is "Oh why didn't you bring your friend?" I'm like "why would I bring my friend? that would make 3 people and that's the wrong number of people that are supposed to go on a date." She accepts my answer so I ask:
-Where do you want to go eat?
-How about here.
-Here? But you work here.
-Not a problem. DOn't worry about it.
-But i just ate here yesterday.
-Don't worry about it.
-(Thoughts in my head: But this is a buffet. I've never taken a girl out to eat a buffet b4. This is definitely not a good start...)

So we sit down and it's very awkward. I didn't get up to the "date" chapter in my Chinese textbook yet. I have no idea how to do this. Dating is awkward for a lot of people when they speak the same language. Try going on a date with someone who speaks no English. I dare you! So i'm trying to make small talk, and she's giving one-word answers. I couldn't blame her. If she ever gave more than 1 word answers, I didn't understand her. One thing i did understand her say is that she was only eighteen. hm... Oh and here's another thing. The other girl was there (the one who didn't turn out to be my girlfriend), and SHE WAS OUR WAITRESS! AH! The date got bad, she spent most of the time texting her friends on her phone. I actually received a fake phone call and was like "hello?...what?...really?...when?...with who?...hm...I might be able to go. I'm kinda busy right now. I'll call you later." I made sure to say it all in CHinese so she would get the gist(sp?) Wow this is a long story. I'm going to break it up into 2 parts.

Xi Tang

So last weekend, me and Gi Joe went to Xi Tang. If anyone saw Mission Impossible 3, this was the little village where they filmed the last 10 or 15 minutes of the movie. Remember where he was running along the river on the cell phone? Anyway they're really proud of this in the small town of XiTang. It's made them a lot of money and everyone got an autograph with Tom Cruise that they hang on the wall on the inside of their shops. It's a canal town, meaning there's a canal instead of a street and lots of little bridges. They refer to it as the "Venice" of China. I'm not gonna lie, there are a lot of little towns around Shanghai that are like that and they're all called the "Venice" of CHina. Or Maybe they're the Venice of Shanghai. I really just said Venice so you could get a mental image of what the town looked like. To be honest, you should just watch the movie. You'd get a much better image.

We were able to hire a boat with our own private tour guide (like in Venice) for a little ride around the town. It cost 100 yuan (like $15). We split it between us because we are FILTHY RICH and every other group that hired a boat split it with like 6-8 people. On the bus ride back, the bus was playing Kenny G's greatest hits or something, like all love songs. We looked around and saw that the bus was entirely filled with couples cuddling. Apparently this was a couples tour. Me and GI Joe sat awkwardly. That was when I realized why we got such a funny look when we got on the bus in the first place.

Thank you Melissa

BTW, like a month ago, I needed to talk to my parents, and I im'ed Melissa and asked her to call my parents to have them skype me. Mel, I promised you I would thank you in my blog, I'm sorry I forgot until now, but I hope this meets your specifications.

Clarification

Ok I gotta clear a few things up: Number 1) April Fools! My flight home is scheduled for August 19, and if it changed, it would only change to sooner but classes start in Buffalo right after that and I fully intend to finish my senior year in the Lo. However everything I mentioned in the email is true, except for the part about me saying yes to the opportunity. Number 2) I love your comments but when commenting, could you please leave a last name or something cuz I get a message from "Jonathan" or "Dan" Or "Shaneiqua" and I'm like "damn. Which Shaneiqua is this?"

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

An Amazing Opportunity

Ok so I just applied for my working Visa to stay in China. I absolutely love it here and I don't know when or even if I want to go back to the states. After my classes end in July, I am taking a week off and then I am going to begin teaching English here at the University. You don't even have to know Chinese, but i will so it won't matter. I also met a girl who is starting a company in Shanghai and said she wouldn't mind taking me on as part time. This seems like an amazing opportunity for me, and I would be an idiot to pass it up because it's what I really want to do. I'm still going to continue with my adventures and writing this blog. Hope all is well on the home front, and hopefully some of you might make it out to visit me. I can show you a hell of time.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Pictures

Everywhere I go, people point and take pictures. It's pretty ridiculous. It's like they've never seen white people before. Now I know how Paris Hilton feels. Now if I see "Paparazzi" taking pictures of me, I pose for them, sometimes doing the ridiculous two-fingered peace sign that seems so popular in Asian culture. Me and GI Joe were walking down the street and a car drove by, this little girl said to her parents, "Baba Mama, kankan! waiguoren!" which translates to "Hey Mom and Dad, look! White people!"

Since the weekend at Putuoshan was sponsored by the Chinese government, there were reporters everywhere and people were filming and snapping shots of everything. The strange thing is that they were surprisingly taking LOTS of pictures of me and GI Joe. It's funny, you're a Chinese tourist at a Buddhist Island and the most interesting thing you can think to snap a shot of is an American. Not a Monk, not all the amazing landscape or architecture, but an American. Howie said he got used to them after a while and said this is how people in reality TV must feel. Anyway, now there's lots of footage of me circulating so if you see a picture of me on a magazine cover or see footage of me on the news or something, let me know.

Here's a funny story: After I was meditating with the monks, I took my camera out to take a candid picture of one of them. As soon as he saw what I was trying to do, he said in Chinese, "No No No, Don't take a picture of me." When I realized what he was saying, I said in Chinese, "ok ok no problem. I won't take a picture of you." What i really should have said was "Oh yea? That's funny cuz I didn't say anything when I opened my eyes during meditation and caught you taking a picture of me!"

The Island of Mount Putuo

So last weekend, the Chinese government paid for like 40 foreign students from in and around Shanghai to go to the Buddhist island of Mount Putuo. I don’t know much about Buddhism, but apparently, it is one of the holiest places in the world for Buddhists. Unfortunately, the island is also very touristy.
We took a 3 hour boat ride to get there. On the boat ride, I got to a) listen to Buddhist Karaoke, b)see the longest bridge in the world (34.5km), and c)discover that I actually do get motion sickness.

They told us that we were going to be spending the weekend sleeping in the Buddhist temples. For some reason, I assumed we would be eating like the monks do, rice and tea. However, as it would turn out, we ate every meal at a 5 star hotel’s all you can eat buffet with gourmet Chinese food. Yay. And we did in fact sleep in the Buddhist temples…in the hotels they set up in the Buddhist temples…which included electronic key cards

The first night, I went exploring out of the hotel around the temple, and I heard music. So I turn the corner and there are something like 100 monks praying with incense and music and suddenly everyone stops what they’re doing (including the music) and looks at me like “can I help you?” It was very similar to what happens in the convenient stores in the ghetto of Buffalo when I ask if they accept credit cards. Anyway, I do one of those awkward backwards walks out of the room with my hands up (like I don’t have a gun) and continue on my exploration.

The weekend was fun, we got to listen to a lot of boring ceremonies and lectures all in Chinese. I thought I had a problem paying attention to a lecture in English. We saw them unmask a newly added statue which was of what I think was the Child Buddah. There was also a temple on the island with a statue of the Goddess Guanyin. The statue was like half the size of lady liberty. We saw a tea pouring ceremony, meditated with the Monks, went on some hikes, walked along the beautiful beach, and did plenty of eating.

There was also an “impressive" dinner-theater show involving a host with an obviously stuffed bra, a girl who can hoolah hoop, a bad magician, and a fabulous rendition of “hit me baby one more time.”

In the end of the weekend, I got a tap on the shoulder, and the director says “hey gabe, you’re Jewish, right? This guy is Jewish too! You guys should be friends!” I felt like I was being set up on a Jewish play date. Anyway this kid’s name was Nathanial and he was an Israeli German. I tried to speak Hebrew to him but his Hebrew wasn’t good enough and his Chinese blew mine outta the water. Oh well. I guess there’s no way around learning the language.

Oh yea and in the end, I had to give a speech in Chinese. Have you ever given a speech to a bunch of people you DIDN’T KNOW...IN ENGLISH? You probably got a little NERVOUS!? So yea you probably get the point. Oh and the topic of the speech was “Harmonious Society and Multicultural Communication.” Bam.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Bungee Jumping

I didn't actually go bungee jumping. The title is a metaphor for this story I am about to tell. It's pretty NUTS:

So me and Ben go to People's Square to go to the museum. On the way, we bump into some Chinese locals that speak very good English. We start talking for a little while and they tell us they're on their way to a tea tasting festival and ask us if we want to come along. Ben doesn't drink tea, but we say sure because anything that we do with the locals is going to be more fun than touristy stuff, and he doesn't mind sitting and chatting. Away we go.

We walk a few blocks away to this tea house and sit in one of those rooms with the sliding doors like Japanese style. As we're sitting down, the waitress brings us a menu in English and starts to tell us about all the different kinds of teas. As I look at the menu and listen to her talk, something seem a little strange, but I can't put my finger on it. It was almost as if all the talking around the table stopped as the waitress explained the tea to me. Like they all already knew what she had to say and were waiting for my response. Then when it was silent and everybody was looking at me, I had a scary realization come over me. I turned to Ben and asked him if I could have a word with him in the next room (which in America might seem a bit rude).

They usher us into the next room and close the door. I say to him that I had heard an "urban Legend" about a tourist trap. Locals hang around touristy spots waiting for English-speaking tourists. They then start a convo in an attempt to "practice their English." When they get all chummy, they invite the tourist to go get some coffee or tea or something. When the unsuspecting tourist says "yes," (why not) they are taken to some place where there is an expensive exotic menu (in English). I hadn't noticed until now, but this was my exact situation. The way the story ends is that the party of locals says something like "oh I just remembered, I have to pick my brother up at the hospital. I gotta run. Would you mind getting this?" and the tourist says sure cuz it's just tea. However, the bill comes and it turns out to be like over $100. The locals of course work for the tea house in secret and are exploiting their ridiculously overpriced lipton-grade tea menu that is only designed for tourists to buy accidentally. By the time the tourist sees the bill, the locals are long gone.

As soon as I finished the story, the door flung open and the waitress said "Oh you guys were on your way to the museum? That's a great museum! It's very cheap! It seems like you would rather go to the museum than drink tea here. That's totally fine. Allow me to escort you to the door! What? Oh don't worry, I'll let your new friends know that you won't be joining them. Have a nice day!" I asked my Chinese friends later and no one had heard about any tea festival.

I call this story bungee jumping because from what I would guess about falling off a cliff, it's not the fall that hurts, it's when you hit the ground. If you can somehow bring in a device that allows you to experience 99% of the fall but pull back right before you hit the ground, then it proves to be an AMAZING RUSH. I don't know if any of you have aver been 99% of the way into a scam, but realized it and pulled out right before the punch line, but it feels kind of like that.

BTW

By the way, I may have made a comment earlier that I cannot read your responses to my posts. I have since figured out how to so feel free to respond to your little heart's desire.

Oh and I miss sandwiches.

Ben

So there's another American here in a similar program named Ben. He is from Utah. He is one of the most American-looking people I have ever seen. We call him GI Joe. This means that he possibly sticks out more than I do. However, his Chinese is MUCH better than mine so he blends a little better. Funny story, When he told me he was from Utah, the first thing that went through my mind was that he was Mormon. I didn't say that out of fear of being rude. I later found out that when I told him I was from New York, the first thing that went through his mind was that I was Jewish, but he didn't ask out of fear of being rude. It turns out we were both right. But what a funny stereotype. Anyway I told him the name Ben means "son of the right hand" in Hebrew. Unfortunately it means "stupid" in Chinese. We do our best to make sure he doesn't forget that.

Being Adventurous

So I had a boring day and decided I needed to get off campus, so I went to the Metro stop and figured I’d just get on it and go somewhere new. I randomly bumped into Boy from Thailand on the train and it was pretty strange. He was going to this Ritzy neighborhood for dinner and said I could tag along. I didn’t realize at the time he and his GF were out to dinner on their anniversery (sp?). Thank you Charlie Bravo.

Anyway, we went to this tea house and I had frog, curdled pig’s blood and pig intestine in one meal. The blood and intestine were in the same dish. The blood wasn’t bad, but not good enough for me to justify that I was eating solid blood. My mom flipped the shit when I told her. Apparently drinking pigs blood isn’t Kosher. Anyway afterward, we went to club Richie again. We were out till about 3 am. This was a Wednesday night I think. I had class on Thursday at 8 in the morning. I wore sunglasses.

Monique and Leslie

So Megan hooked me up with a friend of hers that lives in Shanghai named Monique. I met up with her and her husband Leslie and they took me out for Dim Sum. It was amazing. Monique is such a sweetheart. After lunch, Les gave me a tour of Shanghai. He showed me America Town where I was able to buy expensive American Imports like Rold Gold Pretzels, Dr. Pepper and Cheerios. I was leaning towards cocoa puffs because Cheerios were $10 a box while Cocoa puffs were only $8.50. In the end, I figured I’d stick to 25 cent egg pies.

After we went to New York Pizza, which came highly recommended as the best pizza in Shanghai by Les who is originally from Brooklyn, he showed me another bar district. I found a bar called Woodstock Bar. It was kind of a dive bar playing primarily American country music. Just how I like it, except without the country music. The place was empty. I felt right at home. We also saw the Jing An Temple which is an ancient Buddhist Temple in Shanghai that had recently been turned into a shopping mall, while still retaining its religious functions. I guess it’s got a little something for everybody.

1-Up At The Circus!

After enjoying our delicious rice cakes, we went to see the Chinese acrobats with this Australian girl and 2 British girls. It was amazing and cheap. There was a guy who held a 10 foot pole with a wooden platform on top. Another guy balanced on the platform. THAT guy held another 10 foot pole with a chair on top. A third guy got catapulted, did some flips and landed on the chair. Pretty impressive.
Something I’ve noticed about China:
With its amazing roster of talent, the country feels the need to 1-up every other country in every way. They have the longest bridge in the world, the biggest airport, the highest railway, the tallest and shortest person, and the fastest train (Sorry mom, after all that, I took the bus. It was cheaper.)
So I’m at the circus and they bring out that spherical cage where motorcycles spin around inside. I’ve seen 2 motorcycles at once in those things before. It’s pretty crazy. One time I think I even saw 3. This one was pretty small…And it had 8. I get this image of the circus coordinator going “what’s the most people you think we could get in there? You think we can get 4? I’ve only heard of 3. Nah Eff that. I want 8!” It’s like my football coach always said, “If you’re gonna make a mistake, make it 100 miles an hour.”

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Fire In The Hole!

So I’m walking down the street and I see some guy who looks like he’s making a vase over an open fire in the middle of the street. I’m not surprised by anything anymore. Anyway I stop to watch for a minute, lose interest and look away. While I’m looking in the other direction, the guy yells something out in Chinese, and something like a gunshot goes off 3 feet away from my ear. I look over a little upset and see that he took the pot off the flame, stuck it in a bag and opened it. Apparently, he wasn’t making a vase, he was making homemade rice cakes and shooting them into a bag. Howie bought a bag. We stayed to watch him make another batch and I caught it on camera. He didn’t seem too happy with this. Whatever. I wasn’t too happy losing my hearing for the rest of the day. His rice cakes didn’t taste that good anyway. We threw the bag away. Even the homeless people wouldn’t eat that crap.

Shanghai Nights

I met up with a bunch of English teachers who are my age and from various English speaking countries. I may have said that already. I can’t actually read my blog so I don’t remember. Anyway, we party at their places and then usually go out. 2 weekends ago, we went to a club called Muse. Really classy. There were cabaret dancers on the bar and good times all around. Another difference between bars in America and bars in China is that it’s ok for guys to get up on the stage (bima) and dance. So when me and Howie figured this out, we got up and showed all the bad dancers on the floor how it’s done. Girls joined us on stage of course. Unfortunately Howie is a much better dancer than I. But we still blew everyone else on the floor away.

The next night me and Howie met up with these Thai friends named Boy(m) and Alpha(f) and went to another club called Richie. A stupid name for a club in an English speaking country, but no one here knows what it means. This club had too many white people so I didn’t feel special. We got on stage again, and showed ‘em how it’s done...again.

This country has some of the richest and poorest people I have ever seen. On one hand, you can get a meal for the price of ramen noodles in the states. On the other hand people in clubs get VIP tables and drink Jack and Tea while having fruit plates delivered to them and a personal servant to light your cigarettes and pick up your trash. Service like that can cost $1000 American dollars depending on where in Shanghai you go. One crazy thing that did happen that night was 100 shaolin warriors came in with their swords and stormed the place. After I stomped all their faces, without a sword and WITHOUT SPILLING MY DRINK, we sat down and the leader taught me how to embellish a story.

Last weekend I hung out with the Brits Americans again and we went to a club called Shelter. So there’s this dingy door with a bouncer and inside a downward staircase. It looks like you’re going to a basement club, but at the bottom of the stairs is a long underground tunnel that leads you into a club with a sewer-like atmosphere. The music was pretty lame and there were NO ASIAN PEOPLE THERE. I guess I found the secret Gui-lo hangout (“You never teach the Gui Lo Kung Fu!”). Pretty lame so I left.

One drink I have become quite partial to is called “Baijiu.” It’s a kind of rice wine that cost 3 yuan a bottle (less than 50 cents). It’s on the same plane as 12 sheckel Keglavich or Alexandria vodka, but it tastes a little better, it’s more alcoholic, and it’s MUCH cheaper. None of the locals will touch it. I think they mix it with motor oil and use it to fuel cars and start fires and stuff.

Hot Pot

Day 25. Finally Diarrhea. I went to this place that they call “Hot Pot.” Yes Megan, Hot Pot. They put a big pot of boiling soup broth in the middle of the table and they bring out all different kinds of meats, fish, tofu, noodles, vegetables, and stuff and you dip it in the water and cook it yourself at your leisure. Very spicy, very filling. Unfortunately I woke up something like 5 times in the middle of that night to make bathroom runs. Haha. Runs… Anyway I guess I finally got the initiation I was expecting. Still no dog though.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Foot Massage

I got a foot massage the other day. It cost $3.00 There isn’t much of a story to go along with that. I just wanted to brag. I was going to make some kind of Pulp Fiction reference, but nothing’s coming to mind.

Lost in Translation

Sorry it took so long to post again. It’s much more complicated than you can imagine. So it’s very hard and sometimes very frustrating communicating with people here. A friend of mine called Sang Mi said to me that I look like Santa Clause. When I asked her to explain, she rubbed her stomach laughed and said “baby.” So I was like, “is that a fat joke?” And she said “where’s your reindeer? I think you eat it! Ha ha ha!” From what Howie tells me, calling someone fat is indeed not an insult here, but merely an observation.
I was hanging out with another Korean kid and he rubbed MY stomach and said “MMM…Faaat!” I had no idea how to say that that could be construed by “some” as offensive so I just said “Yea. You’re right.” and walked away.
There’s a kid in my Chinese class who makes STUPID jokes throughout class. In America, he would sound like a real D-bag and everyone would tell him to shut up, but here, everyone thinks he’s hilarious. It doesn’t make sense to me. I still think he’s a D-bag.
The other night when I was out with Sang Mi, she said, “My God, your eyes are SO BEAUTIFUL!” So I said that made up for the Santa comment. She said again, “YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL!” That made up for baby. She has yet to make up for Reindeer. I’ll think of something.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Chinese Food

I saw this commercial in America right before I left where this girl said "The general rule is, if you don't know what it is, don't eat it." I think she was talking about fast food or something. But if I followed that rule here, I would most definitely starve. There aren't as many McDonalds' here as I would have thought. Surprisingly, there are KFC's EVERYWHERE! Chinese like chicken still on the bone because it seems fresher. I guess I can see where they're coming from. There are also a lot of Pizza Huts, but they are done up real fancy like. You have to dress up and comb your hair to go there. Only the rich can afford it, and yet it's the same crap pizza. On the same token, I went to the Chinese version of fast food and the dish I got was exactly like you would get in one of our Chinese restaurants in America. So I guess we're even.

I like Chinese food, especially the stuff where it's like a noodle or a rice bun and there's something inside. Since I rarely know what kind of meat I'm ordering, it's a surprise every time! When I went out with the Korean lot, we went to this place where we had various kinds of meat on sticks. One round came out and "Victor" said to me "try it, and then I'll tell you what it is." And I said "absolutely!" and dug in. It turned out to be goat hamstring. I thought it taisted a bit chewey.

On a final note, when eating dinner with Lance, he ordered like 4 different dishes for the 2 of us, and together, we finished like one and a half. He said that people in Shanghai have bigger eyes than stomaches. Eating with the Koreans again, I discovered that when eating at someone's house, to finish your plate is considered rude. You should leave a little so you don't seem like a begger. So the next time I don't finish my food, and someone says, "there are starving children in China that would love to eat your leftovers," I will say, "Oh yea well I've been there and aparently they do the same thing!"

Monday, February 25, 2008

Yuyuan Gardens

This kid moved in next door to me named Howie. He's a little more adventurous than my previous crew. He's from Austrailia and speaks perfect Chinese. This is great for me because he knew where to go in China and how to order what food. We the metro to the Yuyuan Gardens. There was a bazarre where lots of tourists go and the locals try to sell you things at 5x the price. Still a steal. If I was still going by US dollars, we could both walk away making out like bandits, both feeling like we'd ripped off the others. The gardens themselves are Ming Dynasty acrchitecture (Thank you Howie). In the center of the complex, there is a teahouse on stilts in the middle of a pond. It has 2 zigzag bridges leading up to it because demons can't turn corners. Ok Time out:

A lot of the anciant buildings had doors that opened like a foot above the ground leaving something you had to step over to get in. This is because demons cannot lift their legs. Some methods of feng shui involve octagonal mirrors to ward off evil demons because aparently they cannot see their own face or something. So we're looking at something that cannot turn corners, lift it's legs or see it's own face. I don't know if anyone saw the Bruce Lee biographical movie, but that demon kicked ass. It used to give me nightmares as a kid, and it definitely turned corners. But I digress.

The gardens were beautiful. I took lots of pictures. After we left, we walked through the old city and the slums, managed to find our way back to the Bund again, I finally got to walk the prominade (that I didn't know existed) between the Bund and People's Square that I missed the first time due to my lack of directional capabilities and the Tai girls' laziness. It lit up like Las Vegas. When we got back to the Square, we took the metro back home. When I got home I watched Alians vs. Preditor 2. That's a shit movie. I paid a dollar for it.

The Bund

Friday morning, me, Wookie and the Tai girls went site seeing. We took a bus and the metro to get to The Bund, the most famous tourist spot in Shanghai. You can google image that as well. Beautiful in the day and even moreso in the night. The metro let us out at People's Square and we walked. Unfortunately, when looking at my map, I got the Chinese words for East and West mixed up and we walked almost 2 miles in the wrong direction. That's what people get for making me the guide. I didn't mind cuz liked the walk. It's the only excersize I get here and it helps me get to know the city. The Tai girls, however, insisted we take a taxi and see the sites out the window. They told me people don't walk in Tailand. (Mark?) I should have said something when we left and I noticed they were wearing high heels. Slipped my mind I guess. Eventually, they couldn't take it and had to take a taxi back. Me and Wookie trecked on, had a touristy dinner (expensive and crappy), walked the Bund again at night, and went home.

The Number 88

So 8 is a lucky number in China. Don't ask me why. The reason is kinda dumb. Remember this, I'll come back to it later. So my roommate's friends come to visit on Thursday night. All Korean. 2 speak about as much English as my roomate. The other's name is "Victor." Not only does he speak English, but he asked me what I think of Obama's politics vs. Hilary's. He also asked me if I saw the Manning Tyree pass in the 4th quarter and when we were discussing CHinese etiquite, he said, "When in Rome..." I asked him to please continue.

So we go out to a club in Shanghai called BonBon. This place was ridiculous. 88rmb (lucky number) covers your admission. That's like $10. This includes a table in kindof a private room, a big dance room for people who want to be social, a DJ who plays American hip hop and actually knows the words, and OPEN BAR ALL NIGHT. Not crap liquor either (or at least in not-crap bottles). Here's the beauty of Chinese open bar (not that there isn't beauty in every open bar), Chinese people don't drink so much so there's NEVER ANYONE AT THE BAR! Westerners are the main partygoers in China so the clubs make these deals to get the locals to partake. Result: the Westerners abuse the shit out of the deals and the locals have to be carried out after 4 drinks. Everyone on the dance floor loved me cuz I can cut a Persian and I knew all the words to all the songs. Another use for a useless talent. BTW there were fireworks going off ALL NIGHT. Beautiful.

Saturday night I met up with a bunch of Aussies, a few Brits, an American and a Scot to go to an Indian buffet. Again, for 88rmb, all you can eat, and again, ALL YOU CAN DRINK (but this only applies to beer). Not so bad though. When everyone finished our first plate, they were just sitting there. I asked if there was some etiquite (sp?) I didn't know about when it comes to getting more food. The American said "no, but the place doesn't close until 11:30 so we're pacing ourselves. I looked at my watch, and it was only 7:30. So this is how you're supposed to eat at a buffet with free beer... After that, we went over to a Pub called the British Bulldog, watched soccer and rugby and played free pool. Aparently all bar pool tables are free in China.

On the walk back to the Metro, I started to get my bearings because the pub, the Indian buffet, club Bonbon and the bar I went to on my birthday last week are all a 5 minute walk from each other. I think I found my neighborhood!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

P.S.

The "gunshots" I heard the other day were probably fireworks. They go off randomly around here. Not like a full show, just 5-10 at a time. I think it's for the Chinese New Year. Today is Lantern Day. I think that means the end of the festival. Perhaps Rachel can back me up on that. I got one of those red paper balls to hang from my sprinkler system as a birthday present from Roy. What a guy

So Much to Write About...

Ok, so it's day 6 and still no diarrhia (sp?). I'm very surprised. I walked into this thing assuming I was gonna get sick on the first day as some sort of initiation. I've even been provoking it by brushing my teeth and rinsing my mouth out with the water even though I was warned not to. We'll see how it goes. Brushing your teeth with spring water twice a day can get expensive. When I first spoke with the woman about this program months back, she calmed my nerves by telling me that there are many foreign students in my program from different countries all around the world, and that I was not the only one. Apparently what she meant by "countries all around the world" was Korea, Japan, Tailand, Indonesia, and any other Asian country you can think of where the people don't speak English. This morning we had an opening ceremony for the foreign students. The whole thing was in Chinese. I'm not sure, but I think the entire audience had no idea what was going on. I have ADD which means I have trouble listening to speeches in English. The kid next to me had his headphones on. Who could blame him?

I did make friends with these two Tai girls named Bo and Jessie. I didn't realize when everyone said that they had a Western name, that they meant that kind of Western. I've started to compile these random groups of kids to go out with or eat lunch/dinner with. It's always a trip. we'll hang out with the two Tai girls who speak Tai, English (yay), and no CHinese, my roommate, who speaks Korean and a little CHinese, but no English, Roy who speaks Korean, a little English and a little Chinese, the Japanese girl who lives across the hall who only speaks Japanese, and this kid named Jae who is Korean, speaks great English, perfect Korean, Japanese, and has lived in China for 6 months, but somehow doesn't speak a word of Chinese. It's a riot.

Avi, you are right about Wikipedia. Many free thinking sites are blocked here cuz that would lead to freedom of thought. Web surfing is kinda tough. Usually you get that error message that you get in America that says you typed the address wrong or something. One time, when I went to some restricted site, I got a blank white page, and all it said was, "Um...you're in China???" It was really weird.

We ate at this place the other day where there are different things on skewers and you put them in your basket and you give it to them and they mix it all together in a big soup for you. Crazy! No Megan, not Hotpot. Not yet.

I have to give a special thanks to J Chan again for teaching me about the word "ni ge." I thought mad peoplez was dropping the N-bomb on me. I don't think they know the difference. I haven't seen a single Black person since I got here. I also have to give an EXTRA special thanks to Maria. I had to talk to my parents, so I imed Maria at 6 in the morning and asked her to call my parents, WHO SHE HAS NEVER MET, because I really needed to talk to them. You are a life saver Maria.

I have to apologize for such a long post. From email, facebook messages, and responses on this site, it turns out people are actually reading this. I honestly thought I was writing all this for nothing. You really do love me! So as a token (sp?) of my appreciation, I will stop writing now and will bear this in mind on my next post. DOn't worry though I will keep you updated in the future!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Week Begins

Monday came and I finally got the chance to use the internet. It was also Brutha Emil B's birthday, so Happy birthday B! I only have internet in this place that is only opened on the weekdays from 12-9. Updating my blog is tough because blogs are illegal in China. I have to go to an anonymous web proxy to bypass the Chinese firewall. It's all very technical. Anyway, I met a guy named David from England. He has lived here for a year and he showed me how to buy a cell phone. Sweet. I still don't know the number, but when I get other people's I just call them and they'll get mine. I'm going to get a bike soon. They cost like $20 new. I also had registration today. So I'm actually a student! Things are starting to settle in for me, A LITTLE. It's still very frustrating though because the concept of customer service is an American thing. The only information I get is what I ask for and it's very hard getting in touch with the right people to ask. I also still have no idea where I am. I think I'm In Shanghai, but it's possible that I'm in a suburb. I got a roomate and his name is Wookhyun Jeong. Is he a relative of your's A Hae? He's from Korea. D, I'm sorry you've been replaced. Actually he doesn't speak English, and he won't let me call him W or Dubbs. Well actually maybe he will I haven't really asked him. Since neither of us speak each other's language, we both try to speak Chinese together. Both of our Chinese is pretty shotty, so it's pretty hard, but I talk with my hands and he's got one of those electronic communicators. All in all, he's a really awesome kid. I have so much more to write, but I told Wookie that I'd go out to dinner with him so more later. Oh and BTW, the doors in this room are glass and very clean. A few minutes, ago, I saw a Japanese kid walk into them. It was the funniest and saddest thing I ever saw in my life.

Karaoke at Xu Jia Hui

So the next morning, we woke up and went out for breakfast. We got this thing which was like an egg pie/pancake with bbq sauce (I think) and a big squishy noodle, or what seemed like fried dough in the middle. All Wrapped up and folded in half. It was the size of a burrito and it cost 2 yuan or a little more then $0.25. Then we picked up3 of Lances friens, went to a place called Xu Jia Hui which is kinda like Times Square except much bigger. Very commercial. There are like 10 shopping malls on one street corner. Google it for an image. The mall we went to was the Epcot-looking thing. So we go to this Karaoke place, but the way they do it here is you go in your own private room, kinda like the back room at a strip club (Mom and Dad, I mean that entirely from what I've heard from my friends). After 3 hours of karaoke, my CHinese language skills went way up and I had enough. We ate at this fast food place, which was still awesome for me cuz Chinese fast food is still an experience. One kid was good with numbers so I wrote 33 digits on a piece of paper, he looked at it for 120 seconds, and was able to recite them back to me, forwards, and backwards. Not to sound stereotypical, but I guess it's true what they say... BTW, Andrea, you were right about Shanghai-ese. They actually do speak that here. I thought you were just effing with me. And J Chan, thanks for the tip that you unknowingly gave me about how to keep a digital camera. And you were right about Chinese people eating a lot of spam. Scott, I think I figured out that smell you were talking about. It's kinda of like a mixture of fried food and garbage. Yummy! Fried garbage. There are a few tones of some other stuff in there as well. I'll let you know as my nose gets a little more trained. I had another early night sunday night. Still Jet lagged...

Monday, February 18, 2008

pt. 2: Lance and Roy

So I get back to my hotel and I remember that I have the number of the woman who set me up on this trip in the first place. So i call her, explain my predicament (sp?) and she sets me up on a playdate with this kid who works for her. His name is "Lance." He comes to my place, answers my billion questions, takes me out to dinner, and get this: In CHina, when it comes to dinner, 3 things I learned: soup comes last, everything has bones that you cannot see, and it's perfectly ok to spit them into a nice little neat pile of chewed food, bones, and saliva on the table. Yum. I go back to my room and take a nap. He calls me later, I grab this kid I met in the lobby several hours later named "Roy" and we all go out to this bar for beers. For the price of 3 beers in an American bar, we were able to buy a small keg for the table. Nice place. I love being an overnight billionaire. I also wore my cowboy hat into the bar so I was an instant hit. The people at the bar called me green-eyed Cowboy. Next to us, these people were playing a game. This one girl (who was really cute I might add) kept losing and when you lose, they dare you to do stuff. So her first dare was to give me a kiss. (Hooray) and the next time, somehow, her losing meant I had to drink a full glass of her wiskey. Glenfiddich. (Hooray again). She lost a bunch more times and had to do a bunch of dumb stuff. I do't know what they were playing, but whatever it was, she sucked at it, and that meant good business for me! We went home and went to bed because it was almost 2 and apparently Asians go to bed real early. BTW Happy Birthday to Suz and Kat as well...

Wo de Sheng Ri pt. 1

So that is Chinese for "My birthday" because I woke up and that's what it was. But I didn't know that at the time because it was dark outside and I didn't have a call phone, watch, or clock and neither did the room. When I turned on my laptop, it said 3 am so I sang a little Happy Birthday Ditty to myself. No, I didn't really do that. You know that feeling you get after a crazy night of drinking that you do not remember, and you wake up, and you have no idea where you are and you say to yourself "I seriously must have effed up because somehow I ended up here!"? Try ending up in CHINA! I thought I had made a huge mistake. I was by myself and I didn't know anyone and I didn't have a phone and I couldn't communicate with ANYONE. I figured whatever and I decided to go out exploring. I actually watched more TV and waited till 6 to go out cuz I figured it'd be a little more reasonable. So I start walking and writing down all the street names every time I turn just in case I get lost. I find this old market and I see women cutting turtles in half and selling them to people. I also saw this with fish and eel and other animals. All in various states: cooked, partly cooked, raw, and ALIVE! (mostly alive). I try my best to communicate with the people so I can buy some food and stuff. This was really hard because I was STARVING (go figure) but I didn't know what to say to buy food, nor did I understand money. Just when I was beginning to understand that I was in a 3rd world country, I turned the corner and there was something like a cross between Walmart, a grocery superstore, and a shopping mall, but much nicer and MUCH cheaper. (OK Time out. I think I hear gunshots. That's kind of scary.) Anyway I buy a watch for like $8 which is a LOT of money here and some other odds and ends. (Ok the gunshots are done now, phew). Where was I. Oh yea and then I found their version of 5th avenue or Rodeo drive, but at target prices. Lets put it this way: If you like buying lots of stuff but not paying a lot of money for it, then China is the right place for you. Oh and Scott, thanks for the heads up about there not being any toilets in China. And Megan, thanks for the heads up about there not being any TP! On my way back, I see some guy selling stuff on the street. I'm looking at his knives. He's selling a machete for like $10. A real machete! I say I don't wanna buy it and he goes lower! I love this country! He hands me something that looks like a stick and says that it will give me better stamina. I'm like "what is it?" After several minutes of him explaning, I figure out that I'm holding Tiger testicles. I say thank you, give them back to him and walk away. Delicious.

The Other Side of the Wormhole

Ok so I touch ground, and get picked up by a girl named "Jessica." I put it in quotes because I don't remember how to pronounce or spell her real name but lots of people in China have a Western name they choose for themselves so the dummies (like me) can pronounce them. "Jessica" is really nice. She brings me to the hotel, helps me check in, and says "Any questions?" She looked like she was in a hurry and I didn't want to keep her so I said no. She said "registration is monday morning 8:30 am" and she left. I had no idea where to go to register except the packet they sent me a few weeks ago said building 5. It's not like I had a tour or had any idea where building 5 was. It also wasn't like I could ask anyone. Not to mention that it was Friday and I had no idea what to do until Monday seeing as how I don't know how money works and I don't speak Chinese and NO ONE speaks English except "Jessica." SO I just watched a little Chinese TV, and went to bed. 9:00 I figured I'd figure it out tomorrow.

Plane Ride

Ok, I was just kidding. Haha. Don't worry about me. I made it to China and it is awesome! Since I am horrible at keeping long stories short, in fact I am quite amazing at making short stories long, I will try to break it up into sub-stories to make my blog more readable. Here's the story about the plane ride: It was shorter than expected. I miscalculated the time difference and thought it was a 6 hour flight and a 17 hour flight. The second one was only 11 hours so that was a nice surprise. The first plane was real nice. I got to listen to the Britany Spears CD and watch Jerry McGuire. I figured the second one, being the 11 hour one would be even nicer. It was dingy and old. There was a 2 year old girl next to me eating seaweed. WTF

HELP

I'm in a Chinese Prison! I forgot my passport in America and they think I'm some kind of terrorist! I haven't eaten in days! You get 1 hour of internet a week for good behavior so I figured I'd spend my time posting on my blog...

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Countdown

So it's almost midnight and I can't sleep. Not that it would do me much good because my flight is at 7:20 am tomorrow and I'm trying to get there 3 hours early. I just spent my last night in my amazingly comfortable bed (ladies you know what I'm talking about). I said my goodbyes: lunch with Jake, Michaels Diner with Toby, I even made a special "detour" to NYC to meet Scott for coffee. I can't believe that girl still actually thought we went to the superbowl! I have no idea what the hell I'm getting myself into. All my preperation over the last few months has been to get me to this point. I feel like Kurt Russel or McGuiver must have felt the first time they walked through the Stargate, you know that verticle hot tub looking thing, and I have no idea what's on the other side. Oh well, all I have to do now is get on the plane and hope that I don't end up on the next episode of Lost. But if everything goes according to plan, when the 6'2" 265 lb man with the scruff and the cowboy hat gets off the plane, in the words of Ben Farbowitz, "China isn't gonna know what hit it!"

Friday, February 8, 2008

Welcome!

Hello and welcome to my blog! This post is not that exciting, but I leave for China on February 14 (6 days) and the adventures will begin immediately. My birthday is February 16, and I plan on making it one for the history books! Stay tuned for the Amazing Adventures of Gabe Miller!