So there's this girl and we were meeting up like weekly so she could practice her Enlgish and I could practice my Chinese. Our dialogue went something like:
Me: "So Can you speak any other languages?"
Her: "No, just Chinese, English, and German."
"German...Thats interesting. Why German?"
"In high school, we had to learn either French or German, so I chose German."
"Over French? How come?"
"I think German is one of the most beautiful languages in the world!...Oh and I also like Nazis."
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
My Chinese Girlfriend part 2: The Creepy Other Girl
So needless to say, the date went well. Just kidding It SUCKED! Eighteen years old is hard, but doable, depending on the girl. Not speaking English is also hard, but also doable, also depending on the girl. But the two together made for a lethal combination. Not to mention there was this mentally disabled waitress who kept walking past my table eyeing me. But not in a good way. I would smile at her, but she would just keep staring. Creeped me out. Every now and then, she would come over to me during the meal, and say, "is the food good?" I would tell her every time it was delicious, but it got a little old after a while.
Oh, I forgot to tell you (surprise surprise), one good thing about this buffet and possibly all buffets here, is that there is an unmanned beer tap that is included in the price for the meal. All the free drinking made the date slightly doable, but about halfway through the date, the keg was kicked and I had no idea how to ask in Chinese for them to rekeg the tap. So no more beer, so the date got worse. It was kinda like God slapping me in the face like "HA, you found a loophole in the date from hell. Allow me to close that up for you! No I'm not going to make this any easier for you!"
After I finished eating, I waited like 10 more minutes for her to finish stuffing her face, and then we had to wait like 10 more minutes for her friend (the other girl) to get off work so they could walk home together. At this point, I was just glad to be rid of her. It took me like 20 minutes to finally say "okay. I'm going to gohome. Call me if you want to hang out again." In retrospect, I should have said I'll call you." Perhaps if I had used my "forehindsight"...
Anyway, on my walk home, so as not to make this night a complete loss, I decided to go into the mall to buy a money clip. i still keep my wallet in my front pocket here and the wallet is getting a bit bulky. So right when I get to the entrance of the mall, I get tapped on the shoulder. I turn around, and I have no idea who this girl is. I'm like "who are you?" and she's like "I'm the girl who waited tables at the restaurant that you just ate at. I asked you how your food was (like 8 times). Remember?" I'm like "oh yes. That's right. What's up? What can i do for you?" She just stared at me awkwardly and said "ok. Bye bye," and walked the other direction. Strange.
Anyway, I walk into the mall and I see a woman selling wallets and hair clips and that's it. I'm like "do you have anything like this, but also like this? LIke I want something that does what this does, only not that cuz i already have one. It also does what this does, only not to hair, to money." All this cuz I don't know how to say "money clip" in CHinese. Just when I'm about to give up, THE CREEPY WAITRESS GIRL COMES UP TO US! I thought she walked the other way! She is trying to diffuse the situation and offers to help me. I explain what i want to her and she says "Oh I definately know what you're talking about! Follow me!
So I follow her around the store, and she takes me to the stuffed animal section:
-They're really cute. Don't you think so?
-Um...sure?
-you want to buy me one?
-why would i want to buy you one?
-what? I don't understand.
-oh. Sorry. No. I don't want to buy you one.
-ok. No problem. Lets keep going.
I follow her around the store a little more and she takes me to THE WALLET AISLE! I'm like. yea I don't want these. If i did, i would have bougt one from the woman in the front of the store in the first place. I explained again what I wanted and she was like "oh. yea they don't have those here." I'm like great. Thank you for everything. She says:
-you wanna go get some dinner?
-um...i just ate dinner...at a buffet...at YOUR buffet...you watched me eat. You asked me how it was. remember?
-oh, ok. How about tomorrow?
-to tell you the truth, i'm pretty busy tomorrow
-oh, ok. see you tomorrow!
-[sigh] whatever, see you tomorrow.
Epilogue: I get a text message from her the next day. One of those other girls must have given her my number. Who does that? Anyway, it said, and I quote, and this WAS in English: "Do you sleeping played today of happy!" And I was like right on crazy girl..right on...
Oh, I forgot to tell you (surprise surprise), one good thing about this buffet and possibly all buffets here, is that there is an unmanned beer tap that is included in the price for the meal. All the free drinking made the date slightly doable, but about halfway through the date, the keg was kicked and I had no idea how to ask in Chinese for them to rekeg the tap. So no more beer, so the date got worse. It was kinda like God slapping me in the face like "HA, you found a loophole in the date from hell. Allow me to close that up for you! No I'm not going to make this any easier for you!"
After I finished eating, I waited like 10 more minutes for her to finish stuffing her face, and then we had to wait like 10 more minutes for her friend (the other girl) to get off work so they could walk home together. At this point, I was just glad to be rid of her. It took me like 20 minutes to finally say "okay. I'm going to gohome. Call me if you want to hang out again." In retrospect, I should have said I'll call you." Perhaps if I had used my "forehindsight"...
Anyway, on my walk home, so as not to make this night a complete loss, I decided to go into the mall to buy a money clip. i still keep my wallet in my front pocket here and the wallet is getting a bit bulky. So right when I get to the entrance of the mall, I get tapped on the shoulder. I turn around, and I have no idea who this girl is. I'm like "who are you?" and she's like "I'm the girl who waited tables at the restaurant that you just ate at. I asked you how your food was (like 8 times). Remember?" I'm like "oh yes. That's right. What's up? What can i do for you?" She just stared at me awkwardly and said "ok. Bye bye," and walked the other direction. Strange.
Anyway, I walk into the mall and I see a woman selling wallets and hair clips and that's it. I'm like "do you have anything like this, but also like this? LIke I want something that does what this does, only not that cuz i already have one. It also does what this does, only not to hair, to money." All this cuz I don't know how to say "money clip" in CHinese. Just when I'm about to give up, THE CREEPY WAITRESS GIRL COMES UP TO US! I thought she walked the other way! She is trying to diffuse the situation and offers to help me. I explain what i want to her and she says "Oh I definately know what you're talking about! Follow me!
So I follow her around the store, and she takes me to the stuffed animal section:
-They're really cute. Don't you think so?
-Um...sure?
-you want to buy me one?
-why would i want to buy you one?
-what? I don't understand.
-oh. Sorry. No. I don't want to buy you one.
-ok. No problem. Lets keep going.
I follow her around the store a little more and she takes me to THE WALLET AISLE! I'm like. yea I don't want these. If i did, i would have bougt one from the woman in the front of the store in the first place. I explained again what I wanted and she was like "oh. yea they don't have those here." I'm like great. Thank you for everything. She says:
-you wanna go get some dinner?
-um...i just ate dinner...at a buffet...at YOUR buffet...you watched me eat. You asked me how it was. remember?
-oh, ok. How about tomorrow?
-to tell you the truth, i'm pretty busy tomorrow
-oh, ok. see you tomorrow!
-[sigh] whatever, see you tomorrow.
Epilogue: I get a text message from her the next day. One of those other girls must have given her my number. Who does that? Anyway, it said, and I quote, and this WAS in English: "Do you sleeping played today of happy!" And I was like right on crazy girl..right on...
My Chinese Girlfriend part 1: The Date
So me and GI Joe go to this buffet, (quick ADD tangent. The buffets here are crap American food: shit pizza, french fries, chicken nuggets, etc. I just thought that was funny cuz the buffets in America are primarily crap Chinese food. But i digress.) So the waitresses are eyeing us and giggling. And then they go "Hello. How are you doing?" So we go "oh you speak English?" And they're like "[inaudible Chinese], hello. How are you doing?" So we catch on and switch over to Chinese. (Mine is still crap so GI Joe does most of the talking.)
Bear in mind, the girls here seem to act about 5 years younger than they really are for any given age. So one girl goes "Huang Min wants to know if you'll be her boyfriend." The other one laughs, pushes her, and says "Shut up! Don't listen to her. Ge Hua Fen wants to know if she can get your digits." I shouldn't really use quotes here cuz this whole thing is in Chinese but whatever, it's my story, I can translate it how I want. Anyway, I figure, sure. what the hell. How bad could this be. At least now I can say I have a Chinese girlfriend. So I give one of the girls my number, we all talk a little more and me and GI Joe leave. i then realize, that I'm not even sure which girl is my "new girlfriend." Whatever. Id figure it out later.
So over the next 24 hours, I get bombarded with text messages i can't understand, and phone calls I can understand even less. And they're from both girls, so I'm still not even sure which one is my girlfriend. I finally agree to meet one of the girls for dinner the following night and I figure whichever one shows up, is my girlfriend. She leaves me a text message saying something like, "Awesome! Your treat!" I chalked it up as miscommunication, but still a bad start nonetheless. I told her I'd meet her there at 7:30. At 7:28, I get a text message saying "where are you?". Since I find "where are you" texts atrocious, I ignored it. At 7:29, I received a "where are you" phone call, which I find even more atrocious. I didn't answer that either. Shanghai girls are way too pushy. Again, not a good start.
Scene 3: the Date...Action: I arrive, and see her, say hi and the first thing she says is "Oh why didn't you bring your friend?" I'm like "why would I bring my friend? that would make 3 people and that's the wrong number of people that are supposed to go on a date." She accepts my answer so I ask:
-Where do you want to go eat?
-How about here.
-Here? But you work here.
-Not a problem. DOn't worry about it.
-But i just ate here yesterday.
-Don't worry about it.
-(Thoughts in my head: But this is a buffet. I've never taken a girl out to eat a buffet b4. This is definitely not a good start...)
So we sit down and it's very awkward. I didn't get up to the "date" chapter in my Chinese textbook yet. I have no idea how to do this. Dating is awkward for a lot of people when they speak the same language. Try going on a date with someone who speaks no English. I dare you! So i'm trying to make small talk, and she's giving one-word answers. I couldn't blame her. If she ever gave more than 1 word answers, I didn't understand her. One thing i did understand her say is that she was only eighteen. hm... Oh and here's another thing. The other girl was there (the one who didn't turn out to be my girlfriend), and SHE WAS OUR WAITRESS! AH! The date got bad, she spent most of the time texting her friends on her phone. I actually received a fake phone call and was like "hello?...what?...really?...when?...with who?...hm...I might be able to go. I'm kinda busy right now. I'll call you later." I made sure to say it all in CHinese so she would get the gist(sp?) Wow this is a long story. I'm going to break it up into 2 parts.
Bear in mind, the girls here seem to act about 5 years younger than they really are for any given age. So one girl goes "Huang Min wants to know if you'll be her boyfriend." The other one laughs, pushes her, and says "Shut up! Don't listen to her. Ge Hua Fen wants to know if she can get your digits." I shouldn't really use quotes here cuz this whole thing is in Chinese but whatever, it's my story, I can translate it how I want. Anyway, I figure, sure. what the hell. How bad could this be. At least now I can say I have a Chinese girlfriend. So I give one of the girls my number, we all talk a little more and me and GI Joe leave. i then realize, that I'm not even sure which girl is my "new girlfriend." Whatever. Id figure it out later.
So over the next 24 hours, I get bombarded with text messages i can't understand, and phone calls I can understand even less. And they're from both girls, so I'm still not even sure which one is my girlfriend. I finally agree to meet one of the girls for dinner the following night and I figure whichever one shows up, is my girlfriend. She leaves me a text message saying something like, "Awesome! Your treat!" I chalked it up as miscommunication, but still a bad start nonetheless. I told her I'd meet her there at 7:30. At 7:28, I get a text message saying "where are you?". Since I find "where are you" texts atrocious, I ignored it. At 7:29, I received a "where are you" phone call, which I find even more atrocious. I didn't answer that either. Shanghai girls are way too pushy. Again, not a good start.
Scene 3: the Date...Action: I arrive, and see her, say hi and the first thing she says is "Oh why didn't you bring your friend?" I'm like "why would I bring my friend? that would make 3 people and that's the wrong number of people that are supposed to go on a date." She accepts my answer so I ask:
-Where do you want to go eat?
-How about here.
-Here? But you work here.
-Not a problem. DOn't worry about it.
-But i just ate here yesterday.
-Don't worry about it.
-(Thoughts in my head: But this is a buffet. I've never taken a girl out to eat a buffet b4. This is definitely not a good start...)
So we sit down and it's very awkward. I didn't get up to the "date" chapter in my Chinese textbook yet. I have no idea how to do this. Dating is awkward for a lot of people when they speak the same language. Try going on a date with someone who speaks no English. I dare you! So i'm trying to make small talk, and she's giving one-word answers. I couldn't blame her. If she ever gave more than 1 word answers, I didn't understand her. One thing i did understand her say is that she was only eighteen. hm... Oh and here's another thing. The other girl was there (the one who didn't turn out to be my girlfriend), and SHE WAS OUR WAITRESS! AH! The date got bad, she spent most of the time texting her friends on her phone. I actually received a fake phone call and was like "hello?...what?...really?...when?...with who?...hm...I might be able to go. I'm kinda busy right now. I'll call you later." I made sure to say it all in CHinese so she would get the gist(sp?) Wow this is a long story. I'm going to break it up into 2 parts.
Xi Tang
So last weekend, me and Gi Joe went to Xi Tang. If anyone saw Mission Impossible 3, this was the little village where they filmed the last 10 or 15 minutes of the movie. Remember where he was running along the river on the cell phone? Anyway they're really proud of this in the small town of XiTang. It's made them a lot of money and everyone got an autograph with Tom Cruise that they hang on the wall on the inside of their shops. It's a canal town, meaning there's a canal instead of a street and lots of little bridges. They refer to it as the "Venice" of China. I'm not gonna lie, there are a lot of little towns around Shanghai that are like that and they're all called the "Venice" of CHina. Or Maybe they're the Venice of Shanghai. I really just said Venice so you could get a mental image of what the town looked like. To be honest, you should just watch the movie. You'd get a much better image.
We were able to hire a boat with our own private tour guide (like in Venice) for a little ride around the town. It cost 100 yuan (like $15). We split it between us because we are FILTHY RICH and every other group that hired a boat split it with like 6-8 people. On the bus ride back, the bus was playing Kenny G's greatest hits or something, like all love songs. We looked around and saw that the bus was entirely filled with couples cuddling. Apparently this was a couples tour. Me and GI Joe sat awkwardly. That was when I realized why we got such a funny look when we got on the bus in the first place.
We were able to hire a boat with our own private tour guide (like in Venice) for a little ride around the town. It cost 100 yuan (like $15). We split it between us because we are FILTHY RICH and every other group that hired a boat split it with like 6-8 people. On the bus ride back, the bus was playing Kenny G's greatest hits or something, like all love songs. We looked around and saw that the bus was entirely filled with couples cuddling. Apparently this was a couples tour. Me and GI Joe sat awkwardly. That was when I realized why we got such a funny look when we got on the bus in the first place.
Thank you Melissa
BTW, like a month ago, I needed to talk to my parents, and I im'ed Melissa and asked her to call my parents to have them skype me. Mel, I promised you I would thank you in my blog, I'm sorry I forgot until now, but I hope this meets your specifications.
Clarification
Ok I gotta clear a few things up: Number 1) April Fools! My flight home is scheduled for August 19, and if it changed, it would only change to sooner but classes start in Buffalo right after that and I fully intend to finish my senior year in the Lo. However everything I mentioned in the email is true, except for the part about me saying yes to the opportunity. Number 2) I love your comments but when commenting, could you please leave a last name or something cuz I get a message from "Jonathan" or "Dan" Or "Shaneiqua" and I'm like "damn. Which Shaneiqua is this?"
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
An Amazing Opportunity
Ok so I just applied for my working Visa to stay in China. I absolutely love it here and I don't know when or even if I want to go back to the states. After my classes end in July, I am taking a week off and then I am going to begin teaching English here at the University. You don't even have to know Chinese, but i will so it won't matter. I also met a girl who is starting a company in Shanghai and said she wouldn't mind taking me on as part time. This seems like an amazing opportunity for me, and I would be an idiot to pass it up because it's what I really want to do. I'm still going to continue with my adventures and writing this blog. Hope all is well on the home front, and hopefully some of you might make it out to visit me. I can show you a hell of time.
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