Everywhere I go, people point and take pictures. It's pretty ridiculous. It's like they've never seen white people before. Now I know how Paris Hilton feels. Now if I see "Paparazzi" taking pictures of me, I pose for them, sometimes doing the ridiculous two-fingered peace sign that seems so popular in Asian culture. Me and GI Joe were walking down the street and a car drove by, this little girl said to her parents, "Baba Mama, kankan! waiguoren!" which translates to "Hey Mom and Dad, look! White people!"
Since the weekend at Putuoshan was sponsored by the Chinese government, there were reporters everywhere and people were filming and snapping shots of everything. The strange thing is that they were surprisingly taking LOTS of pictures of me and GI Joe. It's funny, you're a Chinese tourist at a Buddhist Island and the most interesting thing you can think to snap a shot of is an American. Not a Monk, not all the amazing landscape or architecture, but an American. Howie said he got used to them after a while and said this is how people in reality TV must feel. Anyway, now there's lots of footage of me circulating so if you see a picture of me on a magazine cover or see footage of me on the news or something, let me know.
Here's a funny story: After I was meditating with the monks, I took my camera out to take a candid picture of one of them. As soon as he saw what I was trying to do, he said in Chinese, "No No No, Don't take a picture of me." When I realized what he was saying, I said in Chinese, "ok ok no problem. I won't take a picture of you." What i really should have said was "Oh yea? That's funny cuz I didn't say anything when I opened my eyes during meditation and caught you taking a picture of me!"
Sunday, March 30, 2008
The Island of Mount Putuo
So last weekend, the Chinese government paid for like 40 foreign students from in and around Shanghai to go to the Buddhist island of Mount Putuo. I don’t know much about Buddhism, but apparently, it is one of the holiest places in the world for Buddhists. Unfortunately, the island is also very touristy.
We took a 3 hour boat ride to get there. On the boat ride, I got to a) listen to Buddhist Karaoke, b)see the longest bridge in the world (34.5km), and c)discover that I actually do get motion sickness.
They told us that we were going to be spending the weekend sleeping in the Buddhist temples. For some reason, I assumed we would be eating like the monks do, rice and tea. However, as it would turn out, we ate every meal at a 5 star hotel’s all you can eat buffet with gourmet Chinese food. Yay. And we did in fact sleep in the Buddhist temples…in the hotels they set up in the Buddhist temples…which included electronic key cards
The first night, I went exploring out of the hotel around the temple, and I heard music. So I turn the corner and there are something like 100 monks praying with incense and music and suddenly everyone stops what they’re doing (including the music) and looks at me like “can I help you?” It was very similar to what happens in the convenient stores in the ghetto of Buffalo when I ask if they accept credit cards. Anyway, I do one of those awkward backwards walks out of the room with my hands up (like I don’t have a gun) and continue on my exploration.
The weekend was fun, we got to listen to a lot of boring ceremonies and lectures all in Chinese. I thought I had a problem paying attention to a lecture in English. We saw them unmask a newly added statue which was of what I think was the Child Buddah. There was also a temple on the island with a statue of the Goddess Guanyin. The statue was like half the size of lady liberty. We saw a tea pouring ceremony, meditated with the Monks, went on some hikes, walked along the beautiful beach, and did plenty of eating.
There was also an “impressive" dinner-theater show involving a host with an obviously stuffed bra, a girl who can hoolah hoop, a bad magician, and a fabulous rendition of “hit me baby one more time.”
In the end of the weekend, I got a tap on the shoulder, and the director says “hey gabe, you’re Jewish, right? This guy is Jewish too! You guys should be friends!” I felt like I was being set up on a Jewish play date. Anyway this kid’s name was Nathanial and he was an Israeli German. I tried to speak Hebrew to him but his Hebrew wasn’t good enough and his Chinese blew mine outta the water. Oh well. I guess there’s no way around learning the language.
Oh yea and in the end, I had to give a speech in Chinese. Have you ever given a speech to a bunch of people you DIDN’T KNOW...IN ENGLISH? You probably got a little NERVOUS!? So yea you probably get the point. Oh and the topic of the speech was “Harmonious Society and Multicultural Communication.” Bam.
We took a 3 hour boat ride to get there. On the boat ride, I got to a) listen to Buddhist Karaoke, b)see the longest bridge in the world (34.5km), and c)discover that I actually do get motion sickness.
They told us that we were going to be spending the weekend sleeping in the Buddhist temples. For some reason, I assumed we would be eating like the monks do, rice and tea. However, as it would turn out, we ate every meal at a 5 star hotel’s all you can eat buffet with gourmet Chinese food. Yay. And we did in fact sleep in the Buddhist temples…in the hotels they set up in the Buddhist temples…which included electronic key cards
The first night, I went exploring out of the hotel around the temple, and I heard music. So I turn the corner and there are something like 100 monks praying with incense and music and suddenly everyone stops what they’re doing (including the music) and looks at me like “can I help you?” It was very similar to what happens in the convenient stores in the ghetto of Buffalo when I ask if they accept credit cards. Anyway, I do one of those awkward backwards walks out of the room with my hands up (like I don’t have a gun) and continue on my exploration.
The weekend was fun, we got to listen to a lot of boring ceremonies and lectures all in Chinese. I thought I had a problem paying attention to a lecture in English. We saw them unmask a newly added statue which was of what I think was the Child Buddah. There was also a temple on the island with a statue of the Goddess Guanyin. The statue was like half the size of lady liberty. We saw a tea pouring ceremony, meditated with the Monks, went on some hikes, walked along the beautiful beach, and did plenty of eating.
There was also an “impressive" dinner-theater show involving a host with an obviously stuffed bra, a girl who can hoolah hoop, a bad magician, and a fabulous rendition of “hit me baby one more time.”
In the end of the weekend, I got a tap on the shoulder, and the director says “hey gabe, you’re Jewish, right? This guy is Jewish too! You guys should be friends!” I felt like I was being set up on a Jewish play date. Anyway this kid’s name was Nathanial and he was an Israeli German. I tried to speak Hebrew to him but his Hebrew wasn’t good enough and his Chinese blew mine outta the water. Oh well. I guess there’s no way around learning the language.
Oh yea and in the end, I had to give a speech in Chinese. Have you ever given a speech to a bunch of people you DIDN’T KNOW...IN ENGLISH? You probably got a little NERVOUS!? So yea you probably get the point. Oh and the topic of the speech was “Harmonious Society and Multicultural Communication.” Bam.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Bungee Jumping
I didn't actually go bungee jumping. The title is a metaphor for this story I am about to tell. It's pretty NUTS:
So me and Ben go to People's Square to go to the museum. On the way, we bump into some Chinese locals that speak very good English. We start talking for a little while and they tell us they're on their way to a tea tasting festival and ask us if we want to come along. Ben doesn't drink tea, but we say sure because anything that we do with the locals is going to be more fun than touristy stuff, and he doesn't mind sitting and chatting. Away we go.
We walk a few blocks away to this tea house and sit in one of those rooms with the sliding doors like Japanese style. As we're sitting down, the waitress brings us a menu in English and starts to tell us about all the different kinds of teas. As I look at the menu and listen to her talk, something seem a little strange, but I can't put my finger on it. It was almost as if all the talking around the table stopped as the waitress explained the tea to me. Like they all already knew what she had to say and were waiting for my response. Then when it was silent and everybody was looking at me, I had a scary realization come over me. I turned to Ben and asked him if I could have a word with him in the next room (which in America might seem a bit rude).
They usher us into the next room and close the door. I say to him that I had heard an "urban Legend" about a tourist trap. Locals hang around touristy spots waiting for English-speaking tourists. They then start a convo in an attempt to "practice their English." When they get all chummy, they invite the tourist to go get some coffee or tea or something. When the unsuspecting tourist says "yes," (why not) they are taken to some place where there is an expensive exotic menu (in English). I hadn't noticed until now, but this was my exact situation. The way the story ends is that the party of locals says something like "oh I just remembered, I have to pick my brother up at the hospital. I gotta run. Would you mind getting this?" and the tourist says sure cuz it's just tea. However, the bill comes and it turns out to be like over $100. The locals of course work for the tea house in secret and are exploiting their ridiculously overpriced lipton-grade tea menu that is only designed for tourists to buy accidentally. By the time the tourist sees the bill, the locals are long gone.
As soon as I finished the story, the door flung open and the waitress said "Oh you guys were on your way to the museum? That's a great museum! It's very cheap! It seems like you would rather go to the museum than drink tea here. That's totally fine. Allow me to escort you to the door! What? Oh don't worry, I'll let your new friends know that you won't be joining them. Have a nice day!" I asked my Chinese friends later and no one had heard about any tea festival.
I call this story bungee jumping because from what I would guess about falling off a cliff, it's not the fall that hurts, it's when you hit the ground. If you can somehow bring in a device that allows you to experience 99% of the fall but pull back right before you hit the ground, then it proves to be an AMAZING RUSH. I don't know if any of you have aver been 99% of the way into a scam, but realized it and pulled out right before the punch line, but it feels kind of like that.
So me and Ben go to People's Square to go to the museum. On the way, we bump into some Chinese locals that speak very good English. We start talking for a little while and they tell us they're on their way to a tea tasting festival and ask us if we want to come along. Ben doesn't drink tea, but we say sure because anything that we do with the locals is going to be more fun than touristy stuff, and he doesn't mind sitting and chatting. Away we go.
We walk a few blocks away to this tea house and sit in one of those rooms with the sliding doors like Japanese style. As we're sitting down, the waitress brings us a menu in English and starts to tell us about all the different kinds of teas. As I look at the menu and listen to her talk, something seem a little strange, but I can't put my finger on it. It was almost as if all the talking around the table stopped as the waitress explained the tea to me. Like they all already knew what she had to say and were waiting for my response. Then when it was silent and everybody was looking at me, I had a scary realization come over me. I turned to Ben and asked him if I could have a word with him in the next room (which in America might seem a bit rude).
They usher us into the next room and close the door. I say to him that I had heard an "urban Legend" about a tourist trap. Locals hang around touristy spots waiting for English-speaking tourists. They then start a convo in an attempt to "practice their English." When they get all chummy, they invite the tourist to go get some coffee or tea or something. When the unsuspecting tourist says "yes," (why not) they are taken to some place where there is an expensive exotic menu (in English). I hadn't noticed until now, but this was my exact situation. The way the story ends is that the party of locals says something like "oh I just remembered, I have to pick my brother up at the hospital. I gotta run. Would you mind getting this?" and the tourist says sure cuz it's just tea. However, the bill comes and it turns out to be like over $100. The locals of course work for the tea house in secret and are exploiting their ridiculously overpriced lipton-grade tea menu that is only designed for tourists to buy accidentally. By the time the tourist sees the bill, the locals are long gone.
As soon as I finished the story, the door flung open and the waitress said "Oh you guys were on your way to the museum? That's a great museum! It's very cheap! It seems like you would rather go to the museum than drink tea here. That's totally fine. Allow me to escort you to the door! What? Oh don't worry, I'll let your new friends know that you won't be joining them. Have a nice day!" I asked my Chinese friends later and no one had heard about any tea festival.
I call this story bungee jumping because from what I would guess about falling off a cliff, it's not the fall that hurts, it's when you hit the ground. If you can somehow bring in a device that allows you to experience 99% of the fall but pull back right before you hit the ground, then it proves to be an AMAZING RUSH. I don't know if any of you have aver been 99% of the way into a scam, but realized it and pulled out right before the punch line, but it feels kind of like that.
BTW
By the way, I may have made a comment earlier that I cannot read your responses to my posts. I have since figured out how to so feel free to respond to your little heart's desire.
Oh and I miss sandwiches.
Oh and I miss sandwiches.
Ben
So there's another American here in a similar program named Ben. He is from Utah. He is one of the most American-looking people I have ever seen. We call him GI Joe. This means that he possibly sticks out more than I do. However, his Chinese is MUCH better than mine so he blends a little better. Funny story, When he told me he was from Utah, the first thing that went through my mind was that he was Mormon. I didn't say that out of fear of being rude. I later found out that when I told him I was from New York, the first thing that went through his mind was that I was Jewish, but he didn't ask out of fear of being rude. It turns out we were both right. But what a funny stereotype. Anyway I told him the name Ben means "son of the right hand" in Hebrew. Unfortunately it means "stupid" in Chinese. We do our best to make sure he doesn't forget that.
Being Adventurous
So I had a boring day and decided I needed to get off campus, so I went to the Metro stop and figured I’d just get on it and go somewhere new. I randomly bumped into Boy from Thailand on the train and it was pretty strange. He was going to this Ritzy neighborhood for dinner and said I could tag along. I didn’t realize at the time he and his GF were out to dinner on their anniversery (sp?). Thank you Charlie Bravo.
Anyway, we went to this tea house and I had frog, curdled pig’s blood and pig intestine in one meal. The blood and intestine were in the same dish. The blood wasn’t bad, but not good enough for me to justify that I was eating solid blood. My mom flipped the shit when I told her. Apparently drinking pigs blood isn’t Kosher. Anyway afterward, we went to club Richie again. We were out till about 3 am. This was a Wednesday night I think. I had class on Thursday at 8 in the morning. I wore sunglasses.
Anyway, we went to this tea house and I had frog, curdled pig’s blood and pig intestine in one meal. The blood and intestine were in the same dish. The blood wasn’t bad, but not good enough for me to justify that I was eating solid blood. My mom flipped the shit when I told her. Apparently drinking pigs blood isn’t Kosher. Anyway afterward, we went to club Richie again. We were out till about 3 am. This was a Wednesday night I think. I had class on Thursday at 8 in the morning. I wore sunglasses.
Monique and Leslie
So Megan hooked me up with a friend of hers that lives in Shanghai named Monique. I met up with her and her husband Leslie and they took me out for Dim Sum. It was amazing. Monique is such a sweetheart. After lunch, Les gave me a tour of Shanghai. He showed me America Town where I was able to buy expensive American Imports like Rold Gold Pretzels, Dr. Pepper and Cheerios. I was leaning towards cocoa puffs because Cheerios were $10 a box while Cocoa puffs were only $8.50. In the end, I figured I’d stick to 25 cent egg pies.
After we went to New York Pizza, which came highly recommended as the best pizza in Shanghai by Les who is originally from Brooklyn, he showed me another bar district. I found a bar called Woodstock Bar. It was kind of a dive bar playing primarily American country music. Just how I like it, except without the country music. The place was empty. I felt right at home. We also saw the Jing An Temple which is an ancient Buddhist Temple in Shanghai that had recently been turned into a shopping mall, while still retaining its religious functions. I guess it’s got a little something for everybody.
After we went to New York Pizza, which came highly recommended as the best pizza in Shanghai by Les who is originally from Brooklyn, he showed me another bar district. I found a bar called Woodstock Bar. It was kind of a dive bar playing primarily American country music. Just how I like it, except without the country music. The place was empty. I felt right at home. We also saw the Jing An Temple which is an ancient Buddhist Temple in Shanghai that had recently been turned into a shopping mall, while still retaining its religious functions. I guess it’s got a little something for everybody.
1-Up At The Circus!
After enjoying our delicious rice cakes, we went to see the Chinese acrobats with this Australian girl and 2 British girls. It was amazing and cheap. There was a guy who held a 10 foot pole with a wooden platform on top. Another guy balanced on the platform. THAT guy held another 10 foot pole with a chair on top. A third guy got catapulted, did some flips and landed on the chair. Pretty impressive.
Something I’ve noticed about China:
With its amazing roster of talent, the country feels the need to 1-up every other country in every way. They have the longest bridge in the world, the biggest airport, the highest railway, the tallest and shortest person, and the fastest train (Sorry mom, after all that, I took the bus. It was cheaper.)
So I’m at the circus and they bring out that spherical cage where motorcycles spin around inside. I’ve seen 2 motorcycles at once in those things before. It’s pretty crazy. One time I think I even saw 3. This one was pretty small…And it had 8. I get this image of the circus coordinator going “what’s the most people you think we could get in there? You think we can get 4? I’ve only heard of 3. Nah Eff that. I want 8!” It’s like my football coach always said, “If you’re gonna make a mistake, make it 100 miles an hour.”
Something I’ve noticed about China:
With its amazing roster of talent, the country feels the need to 1-up every other country in every way. They have the longest bridge in the world, the biggest airport, the highest railway, the tallest and shortest person, and the fastest train (Sorry mom, after all that, I took the bus. It was cheaper.)
So I’m at the circus and they bring out that spherical cage where motorcycles spin around inside. I’ve seen 2 motorcycles at once in those things before. It’s pretty crazy. One time I think I even saw 3. This one was pretty small…And it had 8. I get this image of the circus coordinator going “what’s the most people you think we could get in there? You think we can get 4? I’ve only heard of 3. Nah Eff that. I want 8!” It’s like my football coach always said, “If you’re gonna make a mistake, make it 100 miles an hour.”
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Fire In The Hole!
So I’m walking down the street and I see some guy who looks like he’s making a vase over an open fire in the middle of the street. I’m not surprised by anything anymore. Anyway I stop to watch for a minute, lose interest and look away. While I’m looking in the other direction, the guy yells something out in Chinese, and something like a gunshot goes off 3 feet away from my ear. I look over a little upset and see that he took the pot off the flame, stuck it in a bag and opened it. Apparently, he wasn’t making a vase, he was making homemade rice cakes and shooting them into a bag. Howie bought a bag. We stayed to watch him make another batch and I caught it on camera. He didn’t seem too happy with this. Whatever. I wasn’t too happy losing my hearing for the rest of the day. His rice cakes didn’t taste that good anyway. We threw the bag away. Even the homeless people wouldn’t eat that crap.
Shanghai Nights
I met up with a bunch of English teachers who are my age and from various English speaking countries. I may have said that already. I can’t actually read my blog so I don’t remember. Anyway, we party at their places and then usually go out. 2 weekends ago, we went to a club called Muse. Really classy. There were cabaret dancers on the bar and good times all around. Another difference between bars in America and bars in China is that it’s ok for guys to get up on the stage (bima) and dance. So when me and Howie figured this out, we got up and showed all the bad dancers on the floor how it’s done. Girls joined us on stage of course. Unfortunately Howie is a much better dancer than I. But we still blew everyone else on the floor away.
The next night me and Howie met up with these Thai friends named Boy(m) and Alpha(f) and went to another club called Richie. A stupid name for a club in an English speaking country, but no one here knows what it means. This club had too many white people so I didn’t feel special. We got on stage again, and showed ‘em how it’s done...again.
This country has some of the richest and poorest people I have ever seen. On one hand, you can get a meal for the price of ramen noodles in the states. On the other hand people in clubs get VIP tables and drink Jack and Tea while having fruit plates delivered to them and a personal servant to light your cigarettes and pick up your trash. Service like that can cost $1000 American dollars depending on where in Shanghai you go. One crazy thing that did happen that night was 100 shaolin warriors came in with their swords and stormed the place. After I stomped all their faces, without a sword and WITHOUT SPILLING MY DRINK, we sat down and the leader taught me how to embellish a story.
Last weekend I hung out with the Brits Americans again and we went to a club called Shelter. So there’s this dingy door with a bouncer and inside a downward staircase. It looks like you’re going to a basement club, but at the bottom of the stairs is a long underground tunnel that leads you into a club with a sewer-like atmosphere. The music was pretty lame and there were NO ASIAN PEOPLE THERE. I guess I found the secret Gui-lo hangout (“You never teach the Gui Lo Kung Fu!”). Pretty lame so I left.
One drink I have become quite partial to is called “Baijiu.” It’s a kind of rice wine that cost 3 yuan a bottle (less than 50 cents). It’s on the same plane as 12 sheckel Keglavich or Alexandria vodka, but it tastes a little better, it’s more alcoholic, and it’s MUCH cheaper. None of the locals will touch it. I think they mix it with motor oil and use it to fuel cars and start fires and stuff.
The next night me and Howie met up with these Thai friends named Boy(m) and Alpha(f) and went to another club called Richie. A stupid name for a club in an English speaking country, but no one here knows what it means. This club had too many white people so I didn’t feel special. We got on stage again, and showed ‘em how it’s done...again.
This country has some of the richest and poorest people I have ever seen. On one hand, you can get a meal for the price of ramen noodles in the states. On the other hand people in clubs get VIP tables and drink Jack and Tea while having fruit plates delivered to them and a personal servant to light your cigarettes and pick up your trash. Service like that can cost $1000 American dollars depending on where in Shanghai you go. One crazy thing that did happen that night was 100 shaolin warriors came in with their swords and stormed the place. After I stomped all their faces, without a sword and WITHOUT SPILLING MY DRINK, we sat down and the leader taught me how to embellish a story.
Last weekend I hung out with the Brits Americans again and we went to a club called Shelter. So there’s this dingy door with a bouncer and inside a downward staircase. It looks like you’re going to a basement club, but at the bottom of the stairs is a long underground tunnel that leads you into a club with a sewer-like atmosphere. The music was pretty lame and there were NO ASIAN PEOPLE THERE. I guess I found the secret Gui-lo hangout (“You never teach the Gui Lo Kung Fu!”). Pretty lame so I left.
One drink I have become quite partial to is called “Baijiu.” It’s a kind of rice wine that cost 3 yuan a bottle (less than 50 cents). It’s on the same plane as 12 sheckel Keglavich or Alexandria vodka, but it tastes a little better, it’s more alcoholic, and it’s MUCH cheaper. None of the locals will touch it. I think they mix it with motor oil and use it to fuel cars and start fires and stuff.
Hot Pot
Day 25. Finally Diarrhea. I went to this place that they call “Hot Pot.” Yes Megan, Hot Pot. They put a big pot of boiling soup broth in the middle of the table and they bring out all different kinds of meats, fish, tofu, noodles, vegetables, and stuff and you dip it in the water and cook it yourself at your leisure. Very spicy, very filling. Unfortunately I woke up something like 5 times in the middle of that night to make bathroom runs. Haha. Runs… Anyway I guess I finally got the initiation I was expecting. Still no dog though.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Foot Massage
I got a foot massage the other day. It cost $3.00 There isn’t much of a story to go along with that. I just wanted to brag. I was going to make some kind of Pulp Fiction reference, but nothing’s coming to mind.
Lost in Translation
Sorry it took so long to post again. It’s much more complicated than you can imagine. So it’s very hard and sometimes very frustrating communicating with people here. A friend of mine called Sang Mi said to me that I look like Santa Clause. When I asked her to explain, she rubbed her stomach laughed and said “baby.” So I was like, “is that a fat joke?” And she said “where’s your reindeer? I think you eat it! Ha ha ha!” From what Howie tells me, calling someone fat is indeed not an insult here, but merely an observation.
I was hanging out with another Korean kid and he rubbed MY stomach and said “MMM…Faaat!” I had no idea how to say that that could be construed by “some” as offensive so I just said “Yea. You’re right.” and walked away.
There’s a kid in my Chinese class who makes STUPID jokes throughout class. In America, he would sound like a real D-bag and everyone would tell him to shut up, but here, everyone thinks he’s hilarious. It doesn’t make sense to me. I still think he’s a D-bag.
The other night when I was out with Sang Mi, she said, “My God, your eyes are SO BEAUTIFUL!” So I said that made up for the Santa comment. She said again, “YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL!” That made up for baby. She has yet to make up for Reindeer. I’ll think of something.
I was hanging out with another Korean kid and he rubbed MY stomach and said “MMM…Faaat!” I had no idea how to say that that could be construed by “some” as offensive so I just said “Yea. You’re right.” and walked away.
There’s a kid in my Chinese class who makes STUPID jokes throughout class. In America, he would sound like a real D-bag and everyone would tell him to shut up, but here, everyone thinks he’s hilarious. It doesn’t make sense to me. I still think he’s a D-bag.
The other night when I was out with Sang Mi, she said, “My God, your eyes are SO BEAUTIFUL!” So I said that made up for the Santa comment. She said again, “YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL!” That made up for baby. She has yet to make up for Reindeer. I’ll think of something.
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