Wo de Sheng Ri pt. 1

So that is Chinese for "My birthday" because I woke up and that's what it was. But I didn't know that at the time because it was dark outside and I didn't have a call phone, watch, or clock and neither did the room. When I turned on my laptop, it said 3 am so I sang a little Happy Birthday Ditty to myself. No, I didn't really do that. You know that feeling you get after a crazy night of drinking that you do not remember, and you wake up, and you have no idea where you are and you say to yourself "I seriously must have effed up because somehow I ended up here!"? Try ending up in CHINA! I thought I had made a huge mistake. I was by myself and I didn't know anyone and I didn't have a phone and I couldn't communicate with ANYONE. I figured whatever and I decided to go out exploring. I actually watched more TV and waited till 6 to go out cuz I figured it'd be a little more reasonable. So I start walking and writing down all the street names every time I turn just in case I get lost. I find this old market and I see women cutting turtles in half and selling them to people. I also saw this with fish and eel and other animals. All in various states: cooked, partly cooked, raw, and ALIVE! (mostly alive). I try my best to communicate with the people so I can buy some food and stuff. This was really hard because I was STARVING (go figure) but I didn't know what to say to buy food, nor did I understand money. Just when I was beginning to understand that I was in a 3rd world country, I turned the corner and there was something like a cross between Walmart, a grocery superstore, and a shopping mall, but much nicer and MUCH cheaper. (OK Time out. I think I hear gunshots. That's kind of scary.) Anyway I buy a watch for like $8 which is a LOT of money here and some other odds and ends. (Ok the gunshots are done now, phew). Where was I. Oh yea and then I found their version of 5th avenue or Rodeo drive, but at target prices. Lets put it this way: If you like buying lots of stuff but not paying a lot of money for it, then China is the right place for you. Oh and Scott, thanks for the heads up about there not being any toilets in China. And Megan, thanks for the heads up about there not being any TP! On my way back, I see some guy selling stuff on the street. I'm looking at his knives. He's selling a machete for like $10. A real machete! I say I don't wanna buy it and he goes lower! I love this country! He hands me something that looks like a stick and says that it will give me better stamina. I'm like "what is it?" After several minutes of him explaning, I figure out that I'm holding Tiger testicles. I say thank you, give them back to him and walk away. Delicious.