When in Shanghai…

So I try to use the “When in Rome” philosophy” as much as possible to maximize my experience here. However, the more I try to fit in, the more I stand out. In New York, there is a stigma attached to being a tourist. In Shanghai, it’s so popular, it’s almost a status symbol. There are places that I have found here that only Westerners go to. Many of the local Shanghainese people I’ve met don’t even know about them.

There’s also many Shanghai customs that I am trying to stay away from, like hocking up big wads of whatever and spitting in the street. I think I may have been spat on once. It might have just been bird poop. Either way, it was gross. Lines are also practically nonexistent. People cut in front of me all the time. I asked my friend Diego from Italy if they have a saying in any way similar to that in Italian. He said, yes but it’s a little different. In Italy, they say, “When in Rome, DON’T do what the Romans do.” For real.

Markesism

Cait Markes came to Shanghai for one night and one night only! She didn’t pull a Rachel Lerner and NOT GET AROUND TO GIVING ME A CALL! I’m just kidding Rachel, I know you were busy. I still love you. For those of you who don’t know who Cait Markes is, she went to my high school. She was my coxswain. SO I showed her a little around the city center. I introduced her to Shanghai’s famous dumplings (although they were some of the worst dumplings I’ve ever had). They were still pretty good though. I didn’t get to see her for long, but it was nice to see her after like 5 years…

Beijing Opera

So I went to see Beijing Opera some time ago. It was strange. I didn’t really understand what was going on. There were actually subtitles, but they were on the far ends of the stage so I couldn’t really read them and watch the show at the same time. Beijing Opera is an acquired taste. If you are ever planning on going, bring some ear plugs or some asprin. And DO NOT go with a hangover.

There was this girl in front of me who I thought was a Korean friend of mine. So I gave her a loving rub on the head. When she turned around, it turned out she was just some random girl. She had this priceless look of fear and surprise on her face, like “Who are you, and why did you just do that??” It really wasn’t my fault. She had the same haircut! It was a little embarrassing, but still funny nonetheless.

A L’Annee Prochaine a Jerusalem

So Passover was a great time. It wasn’t like I’m used to though. Every Jew is Shanghai was in one giant Banquet Hall and one Rabbi was directing the whole Ceder. Originally there were two Cedars: one in French and one in English. When I signed up, there was only room in the French one. After about 5 minutes, I snuck over to the one in English. It just seemed nicer. We were all together in the end anyway.

I have met a lot of French people here. There is a district of Shanghai that used to be French Owned and all the buildings are a different style of architecture. I also have a good friend named Emanuel who is French. He kind of reminds me of Emile, or maybe that’s just because his name is Emanuel. He helped me translate the title of this story (Next Year in Jerusalem).

I met another kid named Frank or George or something from France. We were talking about the price and quality of food here and how it compares to France and America. He says “Take McDonalds for example. If you were to order a Royale, wait, how do you guys call the Royale again?”

“Oh it’s a ‘Quarter Pounder. Yea we don’t use the metric system. Wait, what do you guys call a big Mac?”

“The Big Mac? That’s the same, but we call it le’Big Mac.”

“Oh yea? What about the Whopper?”

He saw Pulp Fiction, so he saw the humor in it as well.

Hao Jiu Bu Jian!

This is Chinese for “Long time no see.” I would like to apologize for not writing for so long. I would also like to thank any loyal readers that continue to check to see if there are any updates. The truth is that after the first month and a half here, I fell into a kind of ordinary lifestyle here and there hasn’t been much to write about. For the last month or so, I have just been studying Chinese on the weekdays and drinking at the bars on the weekends. However, I am back to my adventures now. I am also having internet problems. It takes like 5 minutes to load a web page. I can also no longer access my blog. So I would once again like to thank Melissa Weiss for posting these stories for me. I hope you enjoy them!

Wow! Didn't see that one coming!

So there's this girl and we were meeting up like weekly so she could practice her Enlgish and I could practice my Chinese. Our dialogue went something like:

Me: "So Can you speak any other languages?"

Her: "No, just Chinese, English, and German."

"German...Thats interesting. Why German?"

"In high school, we had to learn either French or German, so I chose German."

"Over French? How come?"

"I think German is one of the most beautiful languages in the world!...Oh and I also like Nazis."

My Chinese Girlfriend part 2: The Creepy Other Girl

So needless to say, the date went well. Just kidding It SUCKED! Eighteen years old is hard, but doable, depending on the girl. Not speaking English is also hard, but also doable, also depending on the girl. But the two together made for a lethal combination. Not to mention there was this mentally disabled waitress who kept walking past my table eyeing me. But not in a good way. I would smile at her, but she would just keep staring. Creeped me out. Every now and then, she would come over to me during the meal, and say, "is the food good?" I would tell her every time it was delicious, but it got a little old after a while.

Oh, I forgot to tell you (surprise surprise), one good thing about this buffet and possibly all buffets here, is that there is an unmanned beer tap that is included in the price for the meal. All the free drinking made the date slightly doable, but about halfway through the date, the keg was kicked and I had no idea how to ask in Chinese for them to rekeg the tap. So no more beer, so the date got worse. It was kinda like God slapping me in the face like "HA, you found a loophole in the date from hell. Allow me to close that up for you! No I'm not going to make this any easier for you!"

After I finished eating, I waited like 10 more minutes for her to finish stuffing her face, and then we had to wait like 10 more minutes for her friend (the other girl) to get off work so they could walk home together. At this point, I was just glad to be rid of her. It took me like 20 minutes to finally say "okay. I'm going to gohome. Call me if you want to hang out again." In retrospect, I should have said I'll call you." Perhaps if I had used my "forehindsight"...

Anyway, on my walk home, so as not to make this night a complete loss, I decided to go into the mall to buy a money clip. i still keep my wallet in my front pocket here and the wallet is getting a bit bulky. So right when I get to the entrance of the mall, I get tapped on the shoulder. I turn around, and I have no idea who this girl is. I'm like "who are you?" and she's like "I'm the girl who waited tables at the restaurant that you just ate at. I asked you how your food was (like 8 times). Remember?" I'm like "oh yes. That's right. What's up? What can i do for you?" She just stared at me awkwardly and said "ok. Bye bye," and walked the other direction. Strange.

Anyway, I walk into the mall and I see a woman selling wallets and hair clips and that's it. I'm like "do you have anything like this, but also like this? LIke I want something that does what this does, only not that cuz i already have one. It also does what this does, only not to hair, to money." All this cuz I don't know how to say "money clip" in CHinese. Just when I'm about to give up, THE CREEPY WAITRESS GIRL COMES UP TO US! I thought she walked the other way! She is trying to diffuse the situation and offers to help me. I explain what i want to her and she says "Oh I definately know what you're talking about! Follow me!

So I follow her around the store, and she takes me to the stuffed animal section:
-They're really cute. Don't you think so?
-Um...sure?
-you want to buy me one?
-why would i want to buy you one?
-what? I don't understand.
-oh. Sorry. No. I don't want to buy you one.
-ok. No problem. Lets keep going.

I follow her around the store a little more and she takes me to THE WALLET AISLE! I'm like. yea I don't want these. If i did, i would have bougt one from the woman in the front of the store in the first place. I explained again what I wanted and she was like "oh. yea they don't have those here." I'm like great. Thank you for everything. She says:
-you wanna go get some dinner?
-um...i just ate dinner...at a buffet...at YOUR buffet...you watched me eat. You asked me how it was. remember?
-oh, ok. How about tomorrow?
-to tell you the truth, i'm pretty busy tomorrow
-oh, ok. see you tomorrow!
-[sigh] whatever, see you tomorrow.

Epilogue: I get a text message from her the next day. One of those other girls must have given her my number. Who does that? Anyway, it said, and I quote, and this WAS in English: "Do you sleeping played today of happy!" And I was like right on crazy girl..right on...